Christmas Magic

Sunday was such a great day for me.  Alyssa was Mary in the children’s program at church and before the program began her and Aaron were asked to do a presentation for the pastors.  I know Alyssa has a heart that is dedicated to Jesus, but it made me proud to see someone else acknowledge that.  Lena and Shane both came to church to support Alyssa, talk about feeling proud.

The whole pagent was really cute and the costumes made you smile.

I got to experience some Christmas magic today.  Who doesn’t love Christmas magic?  I exchanged gifts today with the girls I work with.  I’ll post pictures later, Betsy came thru again with a great sign.  This years sign says, “Because Nice Matters”, it is going to hang in my kitchen.  She is so good.  Then Deb gave me a sweater that I had in my hand at Kohl’s earlier in the day, but didn’t buy because I don’t buy for myself from my birthday until Christmas.  I almost broke the rule for this sweater, but didn’t.  I loved the gifts I gave Betsy and Deb, I actually feel high when I shop and find the “perfect gift” and I felt that way about both of their gifts.  Betsy’s gift was a sterling silver volleyball bracelet, she liked it and it fit (I thought it looked small).  My favorite gift that I bought this year was Deb’s.  Deb shared a few months ago that she had a son and he died.  I got the impression that no one acknowledges this child in Deb’s life and it made me sad.  She shared he was born in May.  I found her emerald earrings, and I picked tear shaped emeralds.  I told her I wanted to acknowledge her son and she cried.  Giving her this gift made me think of so many things.

Of course it made me think about Baby James and what this Christmas would be like if he was here.  He would be three years old, I’d have Tonka trucks hidden away in a closet, or maybe a Thomas The Train.  I would have more then one Christmas ornanment with his name on my tree.  I would have stood in line for a picture with Santa.  There would be four mommy presents instead of three.  My heart wouldn’t hurt quite so much tonight as I sit in the living room, looking at my tree and missing my little guy.  I know he’s in heaven spending Christmas with Jesus and probably wearing a pair of houseshoes Mema made him, but I miss him.

Those earrings made me think about my sister Briget, emeralds are her birthstone.  Today I realized I’m angry at her.  I’m angry, I’m not hurt.  I am so angry I don’t even want to share my feelings here, it would be ugly.  I miss my nieces and nephews. 

I think I’m going to make cracker candy tomorrow for my dad.  Deb gave me some today and it is delicious.  I think dad would like it.  I feel like I’ve failed at finding him a “good” Christmas gift so maybe he would be impressed with some cracker candy.