Keeping It Real-Screw Cancer

On Friday of last week (10/8/10) I reached a milestone, cancer invaded my “inner circle”. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that conversation, the feeling of panic, the tears. I was overwhelmed. I’ve faced it with family, I’ve seen the good side of cancer and the awful side of cancer. I’ve seen it change people both physically and mentally. I remember Aunt Wanda and the fight she fought, talk about a woman with dignity, faith and grit….well I feel like I’m living that again. I’ve never been more proud to call someone friend then I have been in the last five days, Ingrid Fabian is my friend and she is one class act.

I elected myself  as the planner of “Head Shaving 101” and picker outer of the wig.  I loved tonight when she said what color is my wig going to be and I said, “It depends on what day of the week it is.”  She loved it, I knew I would make her laugh.  Her and I know just how to pick each other up.  When I call Ingrid and she answers the phone, she always says, “Hello Princess!”  I think when she calls me tomorrow I will say, “Hello Hero!” 

Tonight after a great conversation where she assured me she was going to beat this dumb cancer and that some dumb doctor had put a number on it, as in Stage 4 Melanoma.  I took a deep breath and said, “I’m just not doing very well with this.”  That’s how we are, we keep it real.  I couldn’t not tell her, I needed her to know that I’m scared and I think it’s unfair.  She doesn’t deserve this, but then who does?

I signed up for “Driving Ms. Daisy Ingrid” on 10/25, we won’t be doing our usual Indian Cuisine I’m sure, but we’ll climb in the car and head to wherever you head for chemo and we’ll do it side by side, her with her great attitude and me with my sarcasm.  I’m sure we’ll find something to laugh at, maybe even someone something to talk about, and I’ll be proud to be a support to my wonderful friend.

So today was my day to drive, she doesn’t do chemo she does radiation.  I still am pissed that she does anything.  I wish we could have spent the day laughing and enjoying each other’s company oh wait that is what we did.  I also know that without the Big C we would have been “busy”, we would have hurried through lunch and then ran back to work.  Not today, we had a blast.

Somehow in this battle this woman took the time to write me a letter for my birthday, didn’t I tell you we know how to keep it real.

October 24, 2010

Michelle,

I wish I could remember the very moment you exploded into my life like a ray of sunshine.  It’s like you have always been there.

You have laughed with me, cried with me and been outrageous with me.  We have shared joys, fears, eccentricities, passions, and just plan silliness.  You’ve made me a better friend, wife, mother and grandmother through sharing your life lessons that I could pass on.

When I watch you, I see unconditional love for life.  Your sunlight makes all around you glow.  I also see a deep unshakable faith.  That failth has been a strength that I didn’t realize I would need until very recently.  I feel calm, safe and secure knowing you are my friend.

The gift I want most to give you on this birthday is for you to realize unconditionally what a gift you are to everyone you come into contact with everyday.  But especially the gift you are to me.  I will treasure you in my life always.

Ingrid

Did I mention she is amazing?  She has also raised an amazing daughter who I am proud to call friend.  Jen-thanks for sharing your mom with us today and always remember “you aint no pansy….”

I get better at dealing with this crap daily, I know she will win.  Cancer picked the wrong girl to mess with.  What’s that old saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  Well if that’s the case I can’t imagine a better picture to end this post with then the one below.

Yes, it says…..”Screw cancer.”  Probably not politically correct, but remember we keep it real.