It’s My Fault

This week I spent lunch with a friend and we talked about broken relationships, exhausting.  I know no relationship is beyond being fixed if two people work at it, it’s hard. 

I had a situation this week that brought up so many old hurts and so much old anger, then I spent some time praying and I knew that someone else’s drama isn’t mine.  I’m only responsible for my own actions, the hard part is I’m responsible for my own actions regardless of what anyone else’s actions are. 

  • If someone is unreasonable and I respond by being unreasonable it’s my fault.
  • If someone is hurtful to me and I respond by being hurtful to them it’s my fault.
  • If someone rants and raves and I respond by ranting and raving it’s my fault.

No person, place or thing has the power to rob me of my joy and peace, I do that to myself.

I posted on my Facebook this week that if anyone is considering marrying someone with a crazy ex to please call me first, I mean that.  You can’t change crazy and when you marry it well it’s your fault.

Prior to marrying Mr. Wonderful I thought I knew what crazy was, heck I was even a crazy, bitter ex-wife at one point….remember I know more about adultery than the average Joe….it can make you bitter.  However, the crazy ex-wife that I deal with was the cheater and she didn’t even have the decency to cheat with a man….yeap you read that right she cheated with a woman.  Talk about an ego buster.  I have been asking myself for almost seven years exactly what she has to be bitter about.  She is CRAZY!  As I have said for years she is the ring leader in the circus of my life, I’m fortunate that I’m no longer selling tickets to the show.  Don’t get me wrong I still react at times, for about 10 minutes.  I then remember all that counseling we went thru and the wisdom that I learned and I take a deep breath, shake my head, call my BFF (love ya Tammy) and tell her to pray, I call Mr. Wonderful back and talk him down off the ledge and then I pull over in a parking lot and cry. 

The tears I cry aren’t for me, they are for Mr. Wonderful and the three children that she has destroyed.  The tears are for my Monster-In-Law that is so broken she has allowed the ex to twist her and put a wedge between her and her son.  I cry for Mr. Wonderful who is a wonderful father to The Baby Girl and a loving husband to screwed up me, but is constantly verbally abused by the ex for what he isn’t to his own children.  Did I mention the lesbian girlfriend, the falsified taxes, and the most recent shake down for $500 that failed?  I told someone this week that  the ex amazes me and I was reminded she always has and always will.  I wonder daily why she had children, she is the worst example of a mother I have ever seen. 

I dry my tears, I turn the radio on and I smile.  I smile because Mr. Wonderful states on a regular basis he’s never known happiness, love and stability like he knows it now.  I smile because in spite of the people who tried to tear us apart we are still standing.  I smile because I have a great life with Mr. Wonderful and I no longer am held hostage by crazy people. 

My marriage and the relationship that Mr. Wonderful and The Baby Girl have is what matters.  The circus that marches thru my living room every now and then is really not important…my reaction to the circus is what matters.  I’m proud of Mr. Wonderful and how he handles the situation, he no longer allows anyone to guilt him and manipulate him. 

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in divorce, faith, family, life, marriage and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to It’s My Fault

  1. Sherri says:

    You are both awsome people and parents. You’ve come a long way baby!!!

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