I See Bottle Rockets She Sees Fireworks

Tonight The Baby Girl wanted to have a night swim, her bathing suit was in the washer.  I wish I had my camera handy to capture her face when I told her to swim in her bra and panties.  She had that look that says, “My mom is a nut job.”  The entire reason we went outside was because she said she saw fireworks and they were beautiful.  A few minutes into our night time swim and I saw some pitiful bottle rocks and The Baby Girl said, “See Mommy aren’t they great.”  Do you ever wish you could be a kid just for a minute?  I got “that look” again when I broke into song…It’s getting hot in here….our night time swim was short she thought it was weird to be in the pool in the dark.

We are watching Happy Feet and doing a bible study on Solomon.  The Baby Girl sure knows how to keep things interesting.  I’m telling you the girl is going to be the next Joyce Meyers.

I think God knows I need some bible reading tonight, it’s been a long day.  I pray daily for wisdom with my only son and so far I’ve found everything but wisdom.  I want to shake that young man.  If someone would have told me a few years ago that Mr. Perfect would hurt me more then anyone else in the world I would have laughed at them, but he has.  I can’t make myself understand it.  Today I was hurt by him and I take that hurt and turn it into anger, I was so ugly.  The Baby Girl and Mr. Wonderful got the brunt of it and then I just left and went for a drive.  I went to the park and sit and talked to God.  I need some relief, driving home I remembered someone telling me about Einstein’s definition of insanity and a lightbulb went off.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

I will continue to get the same hurt if I continue to do the same things over and over.  I can’t take it anymore.  I need to change my thinking where my son is concerned.  Instead of putting the energy into trying to figure him and his moods out I’m going to just mother the child that still wants to be mothered.  My son is a grown man, actions have consequences.

Tomorrow will be hard on The Baby Girl, but we are going to have fun in spite of it.  We did some shopping for Mr. Wonderful tonight and tomorrow we are going to take him to lunch and get him a new pair of gym shoes.  I’m going to finish a letter to him that I started earlier in the week.  I love that man like no other and I can’t think of a better day to tell him so.

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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