The conversation started as many others do, “Mommy, what will happen when Daddy is better?” These conversations take place further and further apart and for that I’m thankful.
The Baby Girl is crying herself to sleep tonight. We talked, we snuggled, we talked, we watched T.V., we talked and then she said she just wanted to go to bed. I said, “Lizard, I am so sorry you are so sad.” Her sweet reply, “Mommy it’s ok it’s not your fault.” Gosh how I wish that was true. It is my fault. Me and me alone picked that no good man to be her Daddy. Of course I had no crystal ball to show me how hurt this little girl would be. I had no way of knowing that he would wander in and out of her life. I did have indicators that he was not the most mature or honest man. The old saying that love is blind, I understand.
My sweet child at 10 thru the help of a therapist knows more about bi-polar disease and alcoholism then a lot of adults. She knows more about rejection and disappointment then anyone should know. She has been hurt by several adult family members and as a mother I would like to protect her. I would like to hold these adults accountable, but I can’t. I can’t make a grown man be a father if he doesn’t want to be. I can’t make a woman be a grandmother if she isn’t capable. I can’t accept unacceptable behavior so she has an aunt in her life.
I am sitting in my living room crying. My heart hurts, but I have peace knowing that while my 10 year old is crying herself to sleep she is praying and seeking God. My sweet girl has God in her heart and prays for others. I can’t protect her from the ugly dysfunctional family that she was born into, but I can love her enough for a mommy and a daddy. I can make sure she understands that she is lovable, adorable and that these people who have turned their backs on her are just plain SICK. I can explain to her that I know what if feels like not to have the love of your own parent. Most importantly I can pray for my girl, I can pray for her father, her grandmother and her aunt. I can turn the hurt over to my heavenly Father and know that he has it all under control.
LOVE is deeper than any trial or tribulation. It will push you through any problem or pain and make you surpass any obstacle or opposition!
I needed something a little upbeat to end this blog on and I can’t think of anything better then BABY BOY IS HERE. Stop by and show some love! I can’t leave this mom out who I believe is about to get her second miracle. God is awesome.
I ask you to please pray for My Baby Girl, pray that God keeps her heart open to love. If you would like to leave a prayer in the comments I would love to print them off and give them to her. She would love it!! In case you want to pray for her by name, her first name is Alyssa. She will always be “The Baby Girl” to her momma!