Little Girls

Updated with information about April Rose Scam……..see below.

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I do not want The Baby Girl to grow up.  I want her to always think “I’m cool.”  I want her to always need help with homework.  I want her to ask at least once a week if I will snuggle with her before she goes to sleep.  I don’t want her to wear make-up, shave her legs or ever have a boyfriend.  I want her to get up on Sundays ready to go to church.  I want to be able to do her shopping for her.  I will be so sad when I become “Mom” instead of “Mommy”.  In two days Fourth Grade will come to an end, where does the time go?

As I was typing this I was watching Nancy Grace and yet another mother claiming her child is dead because she made bad choices.  Seriously?  I’m not perfect and was even less perfect with The First Born and Mr. Perfect, but I would protect my kids against anyone or anything. 

I’ve been reading a blog for months that I hope you will stop by.  I have prayed for April Rose and her parents so many times.  April was born yesterday, and it seems that a lot of people have left insane messages on the blog so the blog has been taken down.  Who can blame them?  What is wrong with this world, if you don’t agree with someone’s decision that’s ok, being abusive and acting crazy really not ok.  I am editing to say that maybe I’ve been fooled, maybe this is a hoax.  I still say pray for these folks, if this is all a hoax they need prayer more then ever.  I found a couple of blogs today that have me thinking it’s a hoax.  Here is Blog 1, Here is Blog 2,  and Blog 3.  As a mother who had to make the gut wrenching decision of whether to continue with a pregnancy that had been deemed fatal, I’m pissed.  Yes I said pissed.  I regret my decision not to carry Baby James to term, I’ll always regret that decision.  I connected with “B”, I was her “cheerleader”, her prayer partner, her sister in Christ.  I have to believe that “she” or “he” because God knows who this blog was written by has got to be sick so I continue to pray.  I pray for healing for the “blog writer”, I pray for peace for other Moms like me who feel betrayed and have relived their own experience while following this blog.  When I read the updates of her birth on Sunday I literally relived the 2 1/2 days I was in labor and the beautiful 52 minutes we spent with Baby James.  Shame on these people.  Did I mention I’m pissed?  I really hope this is all some crazy misunderstanding, but I’ve pretty much lost hope that we’ll ever know at this point.

This is turning out to be a very random post, oh well that’s ok it’s my blog.  I have the right to be random right?  I’ve really been feeling pretty yuck lately.  I always know when things aren’t right with me I sleep a lot. 

I went against my gut tonight and watched Jon & Kate Plus 8, it was the 100th episode.  I am happy to report it was not as depressing as two weeks ago.

This summer The Baby Girl is not going to Daycare full-time.  She is going to do a few weeks of fun camps, but for most of the summer her siblings are going to “watch” her.  Yeah right, she will be “watching” them.  I told her I would find fun activities for her, today I bought her a Suduko game for her laptop, she thinks it’s hard.  I also found the coolest website that gives writing prompts, she is looking forward to this idea.

I am struggling with behavior from others, I am trying to remind myself that I only have control over my own actions.  I can only be responsible for myself.  I had to pray really hard this week not to revert to my old familiar behavior with a situation.  God is good, I bit my tongue.

Alright enough for one night, The Baby Girl just made us popcorn.  She loves her Mommy, I wonder how long that will last?

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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One Response to Little Girls

  1. Celia says:

    Michelle,
    I wish you had found me sooner as well. I made the decision to carry my Noah only after an exhausting search online and a dear friend that lead me to a support group online through Yahoo Groups. If it had not been for that group and another friend that I know IRL who had gone through this exact thing 4 years ago I might have made a different choice. I was fortunate to have guidance. So many women don’t have that and I wish the information available on the internet was more pro life in these situations.
    Having said that, there is no right or wrong decision. Choosing not to carry should not carry the stigma of a bad choice nor should anyone reprimand someone for making that choice. Every one is different. There are some that might not be able to emotionally handle what comes with carrying to term. I didn’t think I was one of those women. I cried out to God just about every day throughout my pregnancy asking him why He thought I was strong enough to handle it.
    Having had an abortion earlier in my life I knew that I could not handle induction at such an early state in my pregnancy. To think about it brought me back to that time and how heartbreaking that choice was for me. But making the choice to carry Noah was no less heartbreaking.
    I am so glad that you “found” me and if you ever want to chat, please, please feel free to contact me: ctbarnes@ctc.net. I would love to hear from you!

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