Motherhood

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. — Washington Irving (1783-1859)

I keep the above quote in a journal, it’s a reminder to me.  It reminds me of who I strive to be as a mother and what I don’t have as a daughter. 

I spent the day with The First Born this weekend, and we had so much fun.  We went to see a play, and I was reminded of how few “special days” I ever had with my own mother.  She’s alive and well, lives a couple of miles away, hasn’t seen my girls in a couple of years. 

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I woke up at 3 a.m. today and checked MckMama’s Blog, I wanted to know that this Momma had found some peace.  Things are looking up!

When I stopped at Panera today for a meeting, I logged on to my blog while I waited and I read a post from Adrienne about her thoughts on adoption.  I checked on Brittany and I love seeing how her family is supporting her and taking care of her little one while she is away from home. 

Then I went and picked up The Baby Girl from a friend and this blog post really started roaring thru my head.  I looked into the sweet face of a little girl that is here on this earth without her Momma or her Daddy for that matter.  They were both killed in a tragic accident.  It makes my heart hurt, it makes me question things you aren’t suppose to question.  It makes me pissed off.  I was overwhelmed by emotion just looking into her little face, I didn’t hold her because I knew I was going to cry, I cried when I got in my car.  I know bad things happen to good people, I’ve even read the book.  I know this sweet little girl is so very loved and she is going to have a great life, but W-H-Y?  I could see so much of her Momma in her sweet little face, it reminded me how hard I try not to be like my own mother. 

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I know I will never quit loving my kids, ever.  I know that I will always support them when they need support.  I know I will bend over backwards to love and appreciate the spouses they choose.  I know I will take pride in their accomplishments and have heartache with their failures.  I know that being a grandmother will be the biggest honor of my life.  I know I’ll never think of one of my children as disposable, what a concept.

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I will continue to give Mr. Perfect space, I’ll not expect the impossible from him and all of his cuteness.  I’ll try not to pout when he goes a week without stopping by to see his Momma.  I will enjoy every minute of seeing him “in love” and being kind and supportive to his girlfriend.  I will remind him on a regular basis that he is my heart and I will never quit being his Momma.

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I will always be amazed by this girl, my “First Born”.  I can’t imagine loving anyone as much as I loved this girl from the moment I laid eyes on her.  I will continue to try to understand her, tattoos and all.  I will continue to pray for her to find a loving partner.  I will continue to hope for her to have some healing in her heart about the hurt that has been caused by her grandparents.  I will know in my heart of hearts that if I left this world today she would keep a relationship with her sister and brother, she is a big sister and nothing will change that. 

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I will never forget what Baby James taught me in 52 minutes, I’ll never forget the piece of my heart he took with him when he left this earth.

So today when I looked into that sweet little face I was reminded that we may not always understand what happens, but life is all about what we do with what we are given.  So in spite of the fact that I really got screwed in “the mother department” I think I turned out to be a pretty darn good Momma myself.  I’m also pretty sure God puts little angels of all kinds in our path to remind us of what really matters here on earth.

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in faith, family, friends, grief, infant loss, life, random thoughts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Motherhood

  1. Sherri says:

    I agree you are a GREAT momma. You should be proud of your kids, I’m sure they don’t always do what you would like (know what that’s about) but they are good kids (young adults).
    It’s been good raising our kids together. love ya

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