Adultery For Dummies

I have thought about this post for a very long time, I have typed it out and deleted several times.  I’ve typed it out and saved it and then deleted it.  I really feel like God continues to put it on my heart and so here we go.

Adultery is a sign of immaturity, lack of effort

“The easiest thing in the world to do is cheat. It doesn’t take any imagination, it doesn’t take any maturity. It doesn’t take anything. It doesn’t take any discipline.”

Dr. Joy Browne
Radio program, AM 800 CKLW, April 10, 2002

I could honestly stop this post right here and feel ok.  I have more to say though.  Imagine that. 

Q: You mean to say that there is no price to pay for major wrongdoing like adultery?
A: Yes, this flies in the face of what we have been taught, that there is a price to pay for wrongdoing. The Bible states: “The wages of sin is death.”,* but such is not the case in divorce court.

I can honestly say I never knew heartache until I was cheated on, not the first time, but the second time.  You see the first time I had no children, it was me and another adult and he cheated.  I found out after The First Born was already here, but somehow I was able to forgive.  I wanted more then anything in this world to raise my kids in a better life then I had been raised in.  I wanted The First Born to have her daddy, so after the shock wore off and he begged a whole lot I decided to try to make my marriage work.  Fast forward a few years and another baby.  He did it again.  I can still feel that anger when I allow myself to think about the situation.  I had no forgiveness left in me and I was consumed with A-N-G-E-R. 

I had two little ones, The First Born was almost three and Mr. Perfect was six months old.  I had no college education, my parental unit was going thru a mid-life crisis and had left her husband and was living with some stranger I didn’t want my kids around, the “Other Woman” was a nightmare, I was in a mess. 

I wish I could say I bounced back and things were wonderful.  They weren’t.  I struggled with A-N-G-E-R to the point where I didn’t even like myself.  I was so sad for my kids.  How could this be their life?  I never knew panic like I knew back in those days, I recently looked at my Social Security statement and I made something like $9,000 that first year.  How did I do it?

I’ll NEVER forget a time when Mr. Perfect had been with the Ex and he came home and wasn’t acting right, and was having strange BM’s.  I ended up taking him to the emergency room and finding out he had had his stomach pumped in the last 24 hours and no one had bothered to tell me.  Are you kidding me?  Seems he drank a bottle of perfume and the Ex and the Mrs. (oh yeah did I forget to tell you they married the day after our divorce was finalized) didn’t think as his mother I NEEDED to know what had happened.  Did I mention A-N-G-E-R?

The First Born has more anger then Mr. Perfect about the situation and most of that anger centers around The 2nd Mrs. and the things she told them about me and continues to allow their 1/2 sister to say about me.  It’s sad. 

I know today at 42 that I would have handled the ENTIRE SITUATION very differently.  I know today at 42 that had I been a Christian when all of that nonsense happened I would have handled it a lot differently.  I know at 42 that I encourage The First Born and Mr. Perfect to love their dad.  I know at 42 I encourage them to overlook their little sister and her feelings toward me.  (unfortunately she reads my blog and creates lots of drama when I do a post like this, however since I write my blog for myself I am not going to edit for her or anyone else)  I know that at 42 I am thankful I no longer have to have Ex #1 as part of my life, we recently had a phone conversation and when I hung up I called a friend and said, “How can a person continue to amaze me, after all of these years?”  There is nothing about him that makes me understand the decisions I made, I keep reminding myself I married him when I was 18 he was a better alternative then the home I was living in. 

I hate adultery.  I’ve shared before on my blog that at a point in life I was “the other woman”.  I can honestly say I am ashamed of that decision, I have asked for forgiveness.  I thank God the affair was never the cause of a divorce, I thank God I did not cause another person the heartache that was caused to me. 

I love Joyce Meyer and what she says about being tempted.

Satan tempts us to live a low life, but God tempts us to come up higher. One of the worst mistakes we can make is to get complacent, thinking that what we have right now is okay. A mindset of low expectations holds us back because God can only do through us what we believe for. Be careful that you don’t get in an “okay place” spiritually.

I wish my story of adultery stopped right there.  It doesn’t. 

Husband #2 cheated, I divorced him.  I now call “the other woman” in that situation “friend”.  Let me repeat that I am friends with the woman who had an affair with my husband.  She is one of my closest friends.  She is an awesome human being.

You see we can all make mistakes, it’s what we do with those mistakes that makes the difference.  She knows she was wrong!  Period.  She knows there is no excuse for what she did.  Period.  For all of you wondering I do leave her alone with Mr. Wonderful…ha!

Husband #3 cheated, I know nothing about “the other woman”.  I can’t even remember her name.  I don’t hate her, I have no A-N-G-E-R towards her. 

We all have choices, some we make and live to regret.  Some we make and should regret, but never grow enough as a person to take responsibility.

In case any of you are wondering, that jewel of a woman who made my life and my kid’s lives miserable for all of those years cheated on Ex #1.  While I could have taken great joy in that fact I actually helped him thru his heartbreak and even dated him for a short time.  VERY SHORT..ha!

So if you are involved in adultery right now, regardless if you are dishing it out or living with someone eles’s bad choices try to remember this too shall pass.  It sucks. 

From an adultery pro try to remember the following.

  • Regardless of what happened leading up to the affair the only person to blame is THE CHEATER. 
  • The person they are cheating with is probably a decent person, it’s not their fault.  They didn’t promise to honor you, your spouse did.
  • If you are “The Other Woman” don’t try to pretend you don’t understand the crazy behavior of “The Wife”.  You do understand it. 
  • If children are involved, this is NOT their problem.  NO ONE has the right to bad mouth their parent to them.  Period.  No exceptions.
  • Time really does heal.  I am so proud of myself.  I survived.  I have two of the most gorgeous kids in the world.  Ex #1 and I make beautiful kids.  My kids respect that I worked like a dog to give them the best of everything.  They respect that while I was the one being bad mouthed I didn’t bad mouth until they were grown and then I shared my journals and court records.  The truth is the truth.

Did I mention I was angry?  I understand this You Tube Video and that scared me, boy I’m glad You Tube wasn’t around back then.

I would have fit right in had I lived in India.

Adultery is so cowardly.  If you want out of your marriage.  Get out.  Don’t use another person as “the reason”, be an adult end that relationship before starting another one.

If you are already in this hell and you’ve made some mistakes, OH WELL!  Email me at paperglueetc@yahoo.com and I promise you I’ve done something worse.  HA!  Forgive yourself and go on.  The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to be happy.

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in divorce, faith, family, friends, Grace, life, marriage, random thoughts, religion, sisters, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Adultery For Dummies

  1. Amber says:

    I do however think that #2 does NOT apply to those who are a live in Nanny who have done nothing but tell you how much they love your kids. NO… you don’t love someone’s kids if you are willing to have an affair with their dad while they sleep in the next room. NO… that is most certainly NOT love. SORRY. If you didn’t birth em… don’t say you love them!

    Do I sound bitter?? Really I am still pretty angry but I guess that truthfully in 6 months time that I am doing pretty good on the anger scale.

    The girl better be thankful that she didn’t tell me she was screwing around with my husband until after she moved out or else she would have nothing to move out! Oh geez…. I guess God protected me from that one!

  2. Lori says:

    Boy, was I ever angry. Anger filled me, it consumed me. Am I still angry 2-3 years later..a bit. Like you he never ceases to amaze me in the choices he still chooses.
    Adultery is an ugly, ugly thing. Funny how something that two people do..how it effects SO many more than just them. So many more…

  3. Pingback: Let’s Praise Him « Paper Glue Etc.

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