I enjoyed church today. I really thought about what God has done in my life and I have to admit I also thought about what He hasn’t done. I kept hearing the same message from Him as I doubted Him and what He is capable of. “It’s in My time not yours.” I started searching for a verse to hang on to this week, and I came up with.
Hebrews 6:15 TNIV
15 And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.
Of course then I had to ponder exactly what I was feeling so inpatient about to begin with. I have decided to share some of the things bothering me and some others I’m just going to ask you to pray for the good ole “unspoken”.
- Mr. Wonderful is a great husband and father, but I so wish he would take a more active role as the spirtual leader of our family. I want to be in heaven with him someday. I want to be reunited with Baby James and have Mr. Wonderful with us. I need that.
- I’ve accepted so much about the dysfunction in my family, but I don’t think I’ve really learned everything I need to from the mess. Believe me when I say it’s a mess. I can not think of one part of my extended family that I hope my children mirror in their relationships as adults. That isn’t true, see why this blogging is so good for my soul. I hope my children have aunts and cousins who mean as much to them as I do, I just hope they don’t need those relationships as much as I do. I hope aunts, cousins etc. are just a bonus.
- We long ago accepted that our relationship with Mr. Wonderful’s children will only change when their situation changes. It doesn’t make it any less sad and doesn’t make me wish for healing in that situation any less. I think about the normalcy they miss out on, the simple things like going to church with us, bike rides, seeing their dad with so much peace, not to mention the big things like holidays, vacations and God forbid if something happened to Mr. Wonderful while they all choose to treat him like crap and pretend he’s the bad guy. I know someday they will have a relationship, I know that without a doubt I just hate what they are missing in the meantime.
- I had the “pleasure” (said with lots of sarcasm) of seeing the person who makes up 50% of my baby girl’s DNA yesterday. He walked in front of my car, I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I thought about letting my foot off the brake. I pray for this situation EVERY DAY sometimes several times a day, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even pray for what I want (Mr. Wonderful to adopt The Baby) I just pray for God’s will in the situation and for my little girl’s heart to not hurt everyday.
I have to share the card my friend Sherri gave me today.
The smile says, “A smile is a curve that sets things straight.” Isn’t this the cutest?
I’m going to really focus this week on finding peace with the above, please pray for me.
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