He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not…

It’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.

My new job has me spending lots of time in the car, I’m not only listening to lots of music I’m spending a lot of time in Mason.  Talk about memories.  Today I was driving by a business establishment (AKA Bar) where I spent a lot to time, it really feels like it was a different lifetime, but it wasn’t.  I started thinking back to that time in my life and then I really got to thinking about the subject of “love”. 

I don’t really know how many times I’ve been in love, that’s horrible isn’t it?  I know how many times I’ve thought I was in love.  So let’s start there. 

  • I remember the first boy I thought I was “in love” with, he wasn’t even cute..ha!  We’ll leave out names to protect the innocent.  He was older then me, he had a nice car, he worked and liked to spend money on me and he had an awesome family.  I forget now exactly what happened, but I’m pretty sure I might have had two boyfriends at the same time and got caught.  Oops.  We kept in touch for years and had a pretty dysfunctional relationship for longer then I care to admit.  I looked him up on FB tonight, he’s not on there.
  • Those of you who know me IRL will love this part of the story.  Husband #1 and the reason I have The First Born and Mr. Perfect.  Enough said.  I know at 42 I wasn’t in love, he was just an answer to what I thought was an impossible situation.  I was 18 for goodness sakes.  I had a phone call with him this week, it was civil.  I hung up the phone and literally laughed out loud, I know I was 18, but I guess I was deaf and dumb also.  Ugh!
  • The Big Guy I just had someone ask about him the other day, we danced around each other for 18 years off and on.  I’m thankful he settled down and is happily married with a couple of children.  I know now he was just “fun”, I wasn’t a bit more “in love” then a man on the moon. 
  • A.S.  Whew, I was almost divorced when I met him and was about to know what love was really all about.  Talk about a love story.  Even now all these years later I can sit on the couch and think about him and smile ear to ear.  Our story didn’t have a “Happy Ever After” and he’s gone from this earth, but it was a great love.  I learned more about myself from that man then any other relationship before or after.  It didn’t hurt that he was drop dead gorgeous!
  • A.C. The catch that I let get away.  I can honestly say one of the few regrets I have in life.  Our relationship was so one sided.  He was “The Perfect Boyfriend” and I was the girlfriend from hell.  Today while driving by that “business establishment”I could see him strutting in with a black cowboy hat on and that smirk of his.  It made me giggle. 
  • Husband #2, well I am a strong believer if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.  Thankful it was a very short marriage, and “The Baby” wouldn’t be here without him so I wouldn’t change a thing.
  • “The Young One” even now I just shake my head when I think about this relationship.  I will NEVER understand it.  I will never “get over it”.  I have learned to appreciate it.  I grew more as a person from this relationship then any other.  I know I loved him, I’m 90% sure he didn’t love me.  He tried, he just wasn’t capable.  It amazes me that all these years later that thought still causes tears to run down my face.  The funny thing is that although he didn’t love me, he taught me to love myself.  I learned I was strong.  I learned that no matter how desperate I felt I could pick myself up and go on.  I learned that no matter how much I loved someone I wouldn’t (couldn’t) let them destroy me. 
  • Mr. Wonderful wow where do I begin?  I love this man like no other.  He is my partner, good day or bad day.  He loves me as much as I love him.  He knows my short comings and he still hangs in there with me.  He appreciates the person he is with me by his side.  He can look at me from across a room and my heart still flutters.  A kiss from him still produces butterflies.  We have gone through hell and have come out on the other side.  We are looking forward to the next chapter of our lives together.  He respects me.  He asked me tonight if I ever think about just getting in the car and me and him running away.  I do.  I would marry him again tomorrow, I’m actually trying to convince him to renew our vows this year.  My hope is to go to Gatlinburg, just the two of us.  I tell him all the time that “I earned him” and after rereading the above list I believe that more then ever.  I love being Mr. Wonderful’s wife, I guess that makes me Mrs. Wonderful!

What have you learned from love?  What have you learned from heartbreak?  Do you have regrets?  Would you do it all over again?  I wouldn’t turn back the clock and remove any of those relationships, I admit there is a few that didn’t make the list and even those I know made me who I am today.

I would have paid money to have been sitting with Mel when she read this post.  I’m sure she is trying to figure out who didn’t make the list (call me I’ll tell you). 

I found the following info about love and I’ve highlighted the lessons I’ve learned, I won’t tell you who taught me what.  Isn’t love grand?

By Paul Mauchline

Copyright ©2004 by Paul Mauchline

  • Love = Life, Fear = No Life. There really is no in between.
  • Love begins by loving yourself first.
  • Work should not be the # 1 priority in your life.
  • Always listen to your inner voice; it is seldom wrong.
  • Rather than fall in love, we should rise in love.
  • Your life and the lives of those you love are happening now. Your life today is not a dress rehearsal for another life you will have later… Live it with love now.
  • There is no measure to the quantity of love we are able to give to others and to ourselves
  • Giving love should not be calculated on a scoreboard.
  • Happiness must come from within.
  • Money is not what life is about.
  • Complaining only stimulates fear, insecurity, and an unhappy life.
  • Wake up each day with an attitude of gratitude.
  • As you fall asleep at night, allow your last thoughts to focus on what you are grateful for in your life.
  • Don’t aim too low to achieve what you truly desire in your life.
  • Reach higher for your dreams… and, more importantly, reach higher for love.
  • Believe in yourself.
  • Do your best each day, and never look back.
  • There is nothing wrong with being single.
  • Being alone does not make you a loser.
  • When you least expect it, love will come knocking on your door.
  • Love requires practice each and every day.
  • Love is an action: treat it as such.
  • Dating is like riding a bicycle: you never really forget how to do it.
  • If you can count the number of true friends you have on one hand, you are truly blessed.
  • Have some fun each and every day.
  • Ego only gets you into trouble. Find a place and bury it forever.
  • We are all winners. There truly are no losers. The choice is up to you.
  • Stop overanalyzing, and just do it.
  • What goes around comes around.
  • Walking is good therapy: It exercises the body and clears the mind.
  • Take the time each day to pay a compliment to someone.
  • What’s love got to do with it? … Everything!
  • Material things do not bring love and happiness into your life.
  • If you do not trust, you cannot love.
  • The love from another person should complement us, not complete us.
  • Recognize the importance and beauty of touch.
  • Reach to you inner child for help and guidance.
  • Real love is unconditional.
  • Love is the biggest gift you can give to anyone, especially to yourself.
  • Judge no other man or woman in this world; this is not our right.
  • Respect everyone for who they are, as individuals, and treat them equally with love and respect.
  • Fear blocks us from fully experiencing love.
  • There is a place within each of us that allows us to return to love.
  • Each day, take time out for yourself.
  • We will never know everything. That is the beauty of life, and, more importantly, that is the beauty of love.
  • Genuine love is given with no strings attached, with no expectations.
  • Live life with no expectations, that way you will never be disappointed.
  • Always retain your individuality in a relationship.
  • Communicate your feelings honestly to all.
  • There is nothing wrong with compromising.
  • Always believe in yourself.
  • In order to love, you must be able to forgive anyone, fully and unconditionally.
  • Loving yourself is not selfish.
  • Completion and happiness come from within, not from another person.
  • Patience brings great rewards.
  • Loving relationships require commitment.
  • Life is all about choices. Recognize that you have them always.
  • You cannot change anyone, unless that person wants to change himself or herself.
  • Learn to develop a sense of awareness.
  • We are all capable of greatness, as long as we believe in ourselves.
  • You will never create the loving relationship you desire, unless you are willing to put forth the work and effort.
  • Reveal your true self to everyone.
  • Always maintain your dreams, goals, values, and lifestyle choices without serious compromise.
  • Infidelity hurts many innocent bystanders.
  • The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.
  • Before you ask, “Are you the one for me?,” remember to ask, “Are you NOT the one for me?”
  • Never be afraid to ask questions. The answers always provide better choices for one’s life.
  • Sexual intimacy keeps a loving relationship strong and resilient.
  • A nicer term for gossip is an “exchange of information.”
  • As my Mom says, “Keep it simple.”
  • Life is not about wealth, success, or who earns the most money. Life is about love.
  • Learn not to sweat the small stuff.
  • A healthy, positive attitude will get you further ahead in life.
  • Resentment and jealously only cause unhappiness.
  • When negative thoughts come to mind, extinguish them by focusing on happy, positive, and loving experiences from your past.
  • Only through our daily thoughts, words, and actions towards all those we encounter, especially our children, can we all create a more loving world.
  • Don’t take anything personally.
  • Misery loves company. Stay away from that company.
  • Always be happy for the success and good fortune of others.
  • Smiling takes less effort than frowning.
  • A truly successful individual is humble and does not feel the need to flaunt his or her success or wealth.
  • Success is not measured in dollars and cents.
  • Living “happily ever after” is not an impossible dream.
  • Desperation… only spells out disaster.
  • Learn to breathe properly… It is a great stress reliever.
  • Life is a smorgasbord of choices. It is just up to us to choose from among them.
  • Surround yourself with positive and loving people.
  • Fear and insecurity cause bad choices and decisions.
  • No relationship is worth giving up your individuality.
  • A healthy marriage is one very long conversation.
  • There is nothing wrong with saying NO.
  • Expressing your feelings in writing is good for the soul.
  • Your life is not about pleasing everyone else.
  • Live your life daily with a sense of gratitude.
  • Worrying is a total waste of one’s energy.
  • Nothing ventured…nothing gained.
  • Age is all in the mind.
  • As we get older, we get better.
  • Always express how you feel honestly, especially when you are having a bad day.
  • Painful and negative feelings are okay, as long as you don’t dwell on them.
  • When love ceases in a relationship, familiarity and comfort are what keep many couples together. Familiarity and comfort are the worst reasons to stay together.
  • When someone says, “I am having a bad day” Never say, “Don’t feel bad.” The message you are sending is that it is not proper to express negative feelings and emotions.
  • Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Never be afraid to ask for help.
  • Physical or mental abuse is unacceptable. Avoid them at all costs.
  • Change is a good thing. It prevents life from being boring.
  • Live your life fully each and every day with love.
  • If you follow your dreams, you will never be disappointed.

About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in divorce, faith, family, friends, grief, life, marriage and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not…

  1. Lori says:

    I know I’ve learned ALOT from my past loves…got a new one I’m learning and using my past mistakes to learn from on this one.
    Loved the list!!!!

  2. Friend says:

    I still have that hat………….

  3. Mel says:

    Glad to see the hat still lives on…mind calling the boots that lived in the next room sometime !!!!!!!!

  4. Amber says:

    Of life and love… geez. Now there is a post for pondering early on a Friday morning when the 70 degree weather has made way for snow!

    So to answer your questions:
    What have you learned from Love?

    The ones we LOVE the most are often the ones we hurt the most or the ones who hurt us. Sad but true. That “better to have loved and lost” is all a load. Better to have loved and WON I say! In all seriousness as a 26 year old mother of three who has been in love twice and married the second one, then subsequently had three kids (one of which is sick) and lived through the nanny (a true whore in every sense of the word) and claimed her husband as her own and claimed that COVENANT marriage, went to war in the heavenlies and won…. I say love never dies. Maybe its like an old pair of shoes that is headed to goodwill. They were beautiful and exciting when you first put them on and you wore them proudly. You wore them for a while and they were comfortable and reliable. Then finally the style changed yet you could not throw them away. They graced the back of you closet for a long time before you decide “its time for a change”. As you clean out that closet there are the shoes… if you put them back on they would still be comfortable… still fit… and still be reliable. Now… you could EVEN clean them up. Take them and have their leather re-fashioned and shaped. BUT are you WILLING to put in the effort. Eventually if you kept them long enough they would even come back into style and you would be proud to wear them and they would have a STORY to tell of how they made it through the “cuts” and evaded the Goodwill bag so many times. But like everything its a choice. Yes those shoes could have gone to the Goodwill. They would have sat on a shelf for a while sad and lonely but then one day… someone willing to put in the work and looking for a “treasure” would have found them. They would have paid a little less for them but they would have APPRECIATED them instantly for their value and they too would wear them proudly. Not proud of what they USED to be but of what they ARE and for WHERE they are in their journey.

    Either route seems to work out well for the shoes. They end up happy and no worse for the wear. They are not broken and like our souls we are not broken by love and loss.

    What have I learned from heartbreak?
    1) People are never to be trusted. They lie. They lie to your face and they will dishonor YOU without much thought. People in the dark have no vision of the light… and therefore no moral compass. Trust can be broken once and must be earned back. Trust once broken a second time is gone forever.

    2) Everyone is young and stupid once. Try not to hurt someone else in the process.

    3) People lie… even people who love you.

    3) Hearts are fragile and you must make a choice to simmer in the fire until all that’s left are ashes or fight your way out of the fire and end up with minor smoke inhalation!

    4) You must seize the opportunity of a lifetime… during the LIFETIME of the opportunity.

    5) There is very rarely a thing that is so terrible that one who is loved cannot be forgiven for. This courtesy does not extend to those who are “liked” or “accepted”.

    6) Never take for granted what you have. Marriage and love is not easy. You have to work and work and never stop. When you stop you quit and that leads you to a BAD road.

    Would you do it all again?
    I don’t honestly know. The first one no. That one was senseless and has left me badly scarred emotionally. That one shook my beliefs in humanity itself… that one no. This one… yes. As sad as it is I would do it again. Even knowing what I would go through I know where I AM. I know what is waiting on the other side. I know the miracle that has occurred and I do NOT take that for granted. Now if you are asking me would I do this a SECOND time… that answer is very different. NO. Absolutely not. There will BE NO SECOND CHANCE.

    So…. I know… what a reply to leave… but I may just post it to my own blog since I took the time to write it! Thanks for asking the big questions!

  5. Pingback: Best of 2009 « Paper Glue Etc.

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