Valentine’s Day

How many of you know why we have Valentine’s Day?  Where did this silly holiday start?  Read here.

I am probably one of the few women who could care less about Valentine’s Day.  Just don’t care.  I’ll come up with something for Mr. Wonderful tomorrow, probably something super sweet from the candy store by work.  I helped “Precious” AKA Shane bake a big cookie for his sweetie, volunteered at The Baby Girl’s Valentine’s Day Party and treated myself to a nice bottle of wine. 

If you’ve ever gone to Baby James’ site you’ve probably seen the letter I wrote for his memorial service and comments I made about the man who read it for me.  “The Chief” celebrates a birthday today, probably like his 70th (insert wink here).   His life was forever changed on September 16th, I’ve thought so many times over the past five months how for years God had used The Chief to help grieving parents.  I remember standing in a parking lot talking to a pastor one afternoon and we were both sharing how much of a blessing The Chief was to others in pain.  The Chief reached out to grieving mother’s of infants, fellow fire fighters whose son gave the ultimate sacrifice in Iraq, and the list goes on and on.  I often wonder what God wants us all to learn from heartbreak and how he puts people and situations in our path to get us thru.  Although The Chief is no longer in our lives he will always be a part of “our story”.  He was at our house within minutes of us getting home from the hospital and learning of Baby James’ diagnosis, he was at the hospital for three days while we were in labor, he was there when we said goodbye at the hospital, he made sure Baby James never went to the morgue but directly from my arms to the funeral director’s arms, he was at the memorial service, he was our voice when we didn’t have a voice, he was there after the fact.  I’m sure while reaching out to parents over and over again he never dreamed he would be part of “The Club”, but he is.  So today I say Happy Birthday Old Grouch!  Your beautiful daughter loved life like no other and I know she is smiling down from heaven wishing you a great birthday. 

p526003820282291

The month is officially half over and I’m thankful.  I don’t know if it’s “the month”, me leaving my job, or just the crazy world we live in BUT I’m struggling. 

I wish I could put a word on what I’m struggling with, but I can’t.  I can’t come up with a word and since I’ve back spaced seven different sentences trying to describe the feeling I guess you just have to trust me when I say, “I’m struggling.” 

I wrote a post back in September about acceptance.  I keep the following words in my bible and also in my desk drawer at work.  I guess as long as I hold onto “acceptance” I don’t need to figure out what I’m struggling with, I just need to accept that life is just that life. 

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

Reading Mel’s comment from yesterday reminds me how far I’ve come as a person.

Mel // February 13, 2009 at 9:01 pm (edit)

This story has a happy ending because the blogging Queen has more courage and sense of self sacrifice than anyone I have ever known, when most people would have thrown in the towel, she held it together for the love of “Mr. Wonderful!” (of course I have a different pet name for him!)and her family. I have never been so proud of a person in my life. “Mr. Wonderful” generally lives up to his nickname now and I have never seen this amazing women happier….except maybe 1993-1995. LOL!

I finally learned how to forgive, I can tell anyone struggling with anger or a hard heart if you will just accept the situation for whatever it is you will forgive.  I struggled for years with forgiveness where my own father was concerned and then driving in my car recently listening to Joyce Meyer I finally found peace.  I now know at 42 that the reason I had anger towards my father was because I never had “enough” of him.  Sounds silly doesn’t it?  I thought that since the time I did spend with him was great, if he had just given me more time look how much greater life would have been.  I now know at 42 that if he had rode in on a white horse and saved the day and been a parent 24/7 he would have screwed up, it’s called being H-U-M-A-N. 

If you are reading here and you think I’m just letting people walk on me and forgiving them, you are off base.  I have great boundaries.  I’ve learned in the last few years that relationships can be toxic.  You can love people and still not want to share your life with them.  You can forgive people but still recognize that for whatever reason you can’t have the relationship that is the norm.  What is the norm?

I promise you that 50 people on an airplane last night did not get on a plane thinking they were about to die.  Life is short.  As I ask many aging folks every week are you living or existing?

Fourteen days down and fourteen days to go….

Advertisements

About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in faith, family, friends, grief, infant loss, life, random thoughts, religion, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s