I think it’s a well known fact that I’m Hooked On Blogging, I’ve always enjoyed writing and decided long ago that my blog would never be the blowing sunshine up your backside kind of blog. I have said over and over I was going “to keep it real” regardless of who liked it or didn’t. I recently found a blog that will probably get me in trouble, I have a tendency to be able to write how I feel much better then I can “speak” how I feel. So when I found Slice of Life Sunday I was intrigued. This week the choices consisted of
Slice of Life choices for the week of February 8, 2009 are:
1. Is That All There Is?
2. A New Beginning
3. Writer’s Choice – I am now seeking stories for the era of our Midlife Odyssey – our 40’s & 50’s. Do you have a slice of life to share about a midlife crisis or coming to terms with who you are?
I decided I could write about turning 40 and a new beginning, since turning 40 and the new beginning all happened in a weeks time.
October of 2006 I celebrated my 40th birthday, quite a milestone. Mr. Wonderful surprised me with a party, I insisted on small. He put my favorite people on a party bus, took me to one of my favorite restraunts and then to my favorite casino. Sounds perfect right? Imagine my surprise when a week later I was facing a divorce and two thirds of the people on that bus had not only turned their backs on me, but had sided with my cheating husband. Not quite so perfect.
I remember the night of my party the only disappointment I had was no one thought to bring a camera. I am thankful now that I have no pictures from that night, I believe pictures would have just made me bitter.
On November 3rd when Mr. Wonderful informed me on my lunch break that he was moving out I had choices. I could become bitter and angry or I could hold my head high and move forward. I could act crazy and get consumed in “figuring it all out” or I could live my life. Life as I knew it was about to change.
I still remember picking Alyssa up from school that day and breaking the news to her. She didn’t cry, she sobbed. She just screamed over and over again, “Mommy you can’t let him leave us.” Sitting in that car I had choices, join her or have enough strength for both of us. I drove home, fed her dinner, waited on a friend to come watch her for an hour, went to see my shrink, came home with a bag full of goodies for a spa night. Alyssa and I took bubble baths, did facials, painted our toes and then I tucked her into bed, she fell asleep and I sit in the living room and cried like a baby until 4 a.m.
For the next seven or eight weeks the craziness never creeped in. I continued to see the shrink, I continued to have strength for Alyssa and I both, I didn’t react to the news that not only did Mr. Wonderful have a girlfriend, but the very women I thought of as friends took great pleasure in making sure I found out about Mr. Wonderful’s girlfriend. I didn’t react to Mr. Wonderful spending Thanksgiving with my mother, my sister and my daughter where instead of talking about what they had to be thankful for they spent the meal bad mouthing me.
Did I mention I had a great shrink? I think even more importantly I had a circle of girlfriends. I had a circle of girfriends that literally would not give up on me. I came home to gifts on my porch. I woke up EVERY DAY to an email that included a prayer from a woman that I hardly even knew before Mr. Wonderful packed up and left. I never knew Hallmark made cards that played music, but they do and a dear girlfriend sent me the perfect card. Misery loves company and I had a girlfriend down the street dealing with a broken heart just as broken as mine, today we are still thick as thieves. Oh yeah and the one person on that party bus that has been a constant in my life for almost 20 years kicked me in the backside everytime I thought about having a Pity Party. She also made sure I had some much needed male attention and a huge ego boost, and every now and then reminded me I was better off. I also had a church full of people praying to save my marriage, and I felt those prayers.
Fast forward to February 2009 Mr. Wonderful is back home, we had 50 weeks of marriage counseling and I have to say our marriage is better then ever. We have a much different relationship then we did in 2006, a new beginning. My friendships are stronger, healthier and have more defined boundaries.
I never thought I would be thankful for that seperation but I am.
I continue to love the series Beautiful Life and it’s these types of post that remind me how much calmer, healthier, boundary ridden my life continues to become.
My friend PJ linked to my blog today because I ask told her she was going to do a post for my blog about girlfriends. The video is on her blog along with a great post. I wish I could find the post (ha I searched and I found it)she did about flip flops after Baby James’ death, it made me smile and the hurt in my heart lessen just a little, yeap a post about flip flops did all of that. Aren’t blogs the best? She loans me her mother to claim as my own and loves my favorite restraunt, she is one of my favorite girlfriends I mean Peeps, her claim to fame is she introduced Jennifer McGuire to eyelets….PJ will be 40 in March and party we will do!