Heart!

The word for the day is heart.  It was the first word I put on the list, it’s the first word I think of when I think of Baby James and the first person I thought of to highlight with the word heart was Angie.  For those of you that read my blog, I am an Angie stalker.  How I wish I would have known about the blogging community when I learned of Baby James diagnosis.  How I wish I would have known about other options for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I didn’t.  I just did what others suggested, but not Angie.  Angie found peace in her decision to continue with her pregnancy and turn it all over to God.  So with that said let me introduce you to a woman that has God in her heart.  A woman that has helped me grow as a Christian.  A woman that has used a blog to reach thousands of women with broken hearts.

Angie Smith

If you want to really have your heart touched listen here.  Wow, unbelievable!

I asked Angie’s pastor to give me a bible verse to use today for my “heart” post and he sent me the following.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I thought tonight as I started working on this post, as mothers we lose the ability to guard our hearts.  I haven’t had possession of my own heart since January of 1987.  I’m thankful that I have Christ in my heart and no matter what happens He and He only will guard my heart.  As long as I have Him no heart break is too big.  

I tell grieving mothers all the time that it doesn’t matter when we “lose” our babies, they are our babies.  Whether you have an early miscarriage, a still birth, an infant who lives a short time, a teen ager killed in a car accident or a middle aged adult child no mother (or father) should ever have to bury a child. 

I’m struggling this week, I spent an hour on the side of the road Saturday in a melt down.  I was ugly to Mr. Wonderful.  My heart hurts.

I’ve said a few times during my Feb. “Love Fest” that we all have choices, so I could still be sitting on the side of the road crying but as my grandmother Lenore use to say, “All you get out of crying is swollen red eyes.” 

This week in “blog world” I’ve been reminded that I’m not the only mom with a heart that hurts.  Please pray for The Macs, I recently found their blog and spent a lot of time reading there today.  It’s amazing the twist their life has taken and how broken hearted they are today.  Sweet baby Cora is in heaven with Jesus, pray for her mommy and daddy.

Jen has experienced not only the heart break of losing a child, but also the heart break of losing a husband.  Imagine in the matter of weeks your whole life is turned upside down.  Stop by her blog and see how this woman is not only facing heartbreak head on she’s healing and it’s beautiful.

There are plenty of reasons for moms in “blog land” to celebrate this month.  My sweet friend Alicia is still waiting on a gift for Baby Berke that is sitting on a shelf wrapped and ready.  I’m thrilled that she is finally a mommy.

I love reading about Sweet Harper and seeing her pretty hats. I can’t think of a better praise report.  Who would have thought when Kelly was blogging from the hospital the journey she was about to experience. 

My heart hurts tonight, when Baby James left this world February 28, 2005 he took a piece of my heart with him.  I will never be the same, I will always be a better person because of my baby boy. 

I just realized this is a Tuesday post, if this isn’t perfect for Inspire Me Tuesday I don’t know what is.  The women on this post inspire me everyday.

UPDATED!!  I needed some good news today and I just got it.  Please read here if your heart is heavy and you need to smile from ear to ear.

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in faith, family, friends, grief, infant loss, life, marriage, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Heart!

  1. Sara says:

    Thank you for this post. I, too, have been having a hard time lately. I am sorry you are hurting. I know how difficult it is around the birthdays of our babies who are no longer with us. I will be praying for you. Hugs…

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