Today’s prompt is about the countdown. I have to admit I haven’t even hung my advent calendar but Lyss has hung hers. Her room is all decked out.
Not sure if I will get my page done today, but wanted to share these with you.
I am in a funk!
Yesterday was a horrible day, speeding ticket, Lena’s car breaking down, Shane being mean to Lena and causing me to question if I taught them anything about looking out for each other. Let me rephrase that I wonder if I taught him, she gets it and it makes me sad for her. I know that feeling of being kicked in the teeth when all you want is to have a support system.
I went to Starbucks today and a man sit down and shared my table. He had a journal and he was writing. I literally spaced out for a few minutes and remembered a man that I shared my life with a long time ago. He was insightful. He pondered things. He liked old music, to this day Frank Sinatra can bring me to tears. For the longest time I hated this person, not proud of it, but it’s factual. Once I could forgive myself for my own actions in this relationship I was able to forgive him. Forgiveness has never been an easy task for me.
I sit at Starbucks today and really talked to God. I hadn’t let myself think about that relationship in a very long time, but today I did (I had one of the best Christmases of my life with him and his family, this time of the year I think of him). I told God that I was thankful for that person and prayed for him. I came to the conclusion that if I had accepted the truth about that relationship I would have saved a lot of people a lot of heartache. Had I accepted that I loved him, but he didn’t love me, my heart could have probably healed a lot quicker. I thanked God though, because that relationship was a turning point for me.
- I learned that I was worth loving.
- I learned that good looks don’t mean a hill of beans in the big scheme of things.
- I learned that addiction and mental illness can’t be ignored.
- I learned that I am responsible for my own happiness and to never let my life revolve around anyone else.
God rewarded me, I have Carl. I would not use the word insightful to describe my husband, it actually made me smile just to type the sentence. However, he is the best man I have ever had in my life. He loves me, he also understands me, takes care of me, he is my best friend. He shops with me even though he hates shopping. He gives me space when I need space. He sits beside me in church every Sunday and takes Alyssa on the Sundays I have to work. He fixes Lena’s car, does her laundry (I refuse), makes Shane chili on demand, and loves my Alyssa like she is his own. God is good!
I took Lena to work today, when she got out of my car she said, “Thanks for being a good Mom.” I cried as I drove away.