Wish I Understood

There are day’s when I seriously regret getting out of bed, this week it’s been every day.  Just when I think I have been as hurt as I can possibly be I’m surprised again. 

I try daily to understand how it is that some people can be so hurtful and uncaring.  It’s even harder to understand when it is your own flesh and blood.  I try so hard to relate and try to see the “whole picture”, but today just reminded me that you can only overlook shortcomings and cruel behavior for a period of time and after that you look like an idiot not wanting to face reality.  I have taken the rose colored glasses off and I’m going to start looking out for people who look out for me.

You want to be an adult and not listen to anything anyone has to say.  Ok.  You want to yell and be disrespectful to me in my own home.  Ok.  You want to overlook the way people treat your sisters.  Ok.  You have free will, you have pushed me to a breaking point and I don’t know how to deal with you.  I am not going to allow you to be a jerk to me ever again.  I am going to expect nothing from you, and I’m going to give nothing to you.  I am going to allow you to be the adult you say you are, if others choose to enable your poor decisions and your horrible attitude that is their choice.  For me it’s about acceptance, it’s accepting you care only about you and I will learn to live with that.

I have the following words given to me by an old friend and I keep them close, ironic since I hope that very friend is thinking these same words this week. 

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

Your behavior has been unacceptable and hurtful for so long and I just continue to take it, but not after today.  I don’t deserve it.  I will accept the situation for what it is.  I won’t make excuses, try to cover up your behavior, lie for you, lie to myself, overlook.  Starting today I will accept no matter how much it makes my heart ache.


About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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2 Responses to Wish I Understood

  1. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt to the point where it’s hard to get out of bed. A lot of people face situations where getting out of bed is difficult, but for other reasons (health, fears, hopelessness, etc.).

    I would encourage you though, as much as possible, not to let your day be shaped by what is done to you by OTHER PEOPLE. Fix your eyes on Jesus. I know that sounds cliché, but you can’t let what other people do destroy your day.

    Remember also, it’s not what happens to you, but how you respond to it. Think of ways also that you can identify with, or help someone else heal who has been hurt in similar ways. Finally, resolve that as you live your life, you yourself will not hurt others.

  2. Karen says:

    {{{{HUGS}}}} to you my friend.
    I’m so sorry someone is mistreating you.

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