There are day’s when I seriously regret getting out of bed, this week it’s been every day. Just when I think I have been as hurt as I can possibly be I’m surprised again.
I try daily to understand how it is that some people can be so hurtful and uncaring. It’s even harder to understand when it is your own flesh and blood. I try so hard to relate and try to see the “whole picture”, but today just reminded me that you can only overlook shortcomings and cruel behavior for a period of time and after that you look like an idiot not wanting to face reality. I have taken the rose colored glasses off and I’m going to start looking out for people who look out for me.
You want to be an adult and not listen to anything anyone has to say. Ok. You want to yell and be disrespectful to me in my own home. Ok. You want to overlook the way people treat your sisters. Ok. You have free will, you have pushed me to a breaking point and I don’t know how to deal with you. I am not going to allow you to be a jerk to me ever again. I am going to expect nothing from you, and I’m going to give nothing to you. I am going to allow you to be the adult you say you are, if others choose to enable your poor decisions and your horrible attitude that is their choice. For me it’s about acceptance, it’s accepting you care only about you and I will learn to live with that.
I have the following words given to me by an old friend and I keep them close, ironic since I hope that very friend is thinking these same words this week.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.
Your behavior has been unacceptable and hurtful for so long and I just continue to take it, but not after today. I don’t deserve it. I will accept the situation for what it is. I won’t make excuses, try to cover up your behavior, lie for you, lie to myself, overlook. Starting today I will accept no matter how much it makes my heart ache.