Where Do I Start?

It’s Thursday at 8:48 p.m. and I have electric.  If my Aunt G is reading this she is so thankful because she is tired of me complaining I’m sure, I took turns calling Aunt G, Daddy and Aunt Linda so I didn’t wear any of them out…ha….

I have probably said, “It’s just electric.” a hundred times since Monday night.  I was in a bad mood all day Monday, had to take Lyss to work with me, couldn’t get ahold of Melissa didn’t know if she was ok, lost all the food in my fridge, couldn’t work on the school carnival, no electric at work, and then I called Robyn.   While sitting in the driveway she said let me put it in perspective for you, “You don’t have electric, but Chief Bennett’s daughter was killed yesterday in the storm.”  Speechless, yes I was speechless.  (news story about Steph and Tom

Without going into a lot of history, my heart hurts.  A family that at one time we thought of as an extension of our own family has lost their daughter and we can do NOTHING to help.  I wish I could explain how it feels to be paralyzed with hurt and fear, to feel absolutely helpless.  I went to see the trusty counselor today and she reminded me I am human.  I am a work in progress.  I don’t fully understand unconditional love, because I’ve never felt I have unconditional love from ANYONE in my life.  I feel like I failed as a friend two years ago, and was convinced to admit that I was also failed by a friend.  It was a two way street, but this week none of that mattered, I just wanted to take away some of the hurt.  I did what I felt comfortable doing, I reached out to friends I can trust and they told me to do what I already knew, pray about it and follow my heart.  My wonderful stepmom told me to do what I would want done to me (isn’t she great).  I followed all of that advice, my heart still aches, but I have peace. 

Since Monday I have found out…

  • Melissa is ok, she even has power now.
  • My husband although wonderful gets crabby after four days without electric.
  • I am growing as a person and am so thankful for the friends God puts in my path that help me with that growth, Jill, Susan, Tammy, Sherri and Nancy.  Thanks for letting me grieve and hurt, not judging my shortcomings and reminded me that you are my friends and appreciate me. 
  • My two adult children are completely and totally self absorbed, and I love them anyway-maybe I’m learning about unconditional love.
  • Alyssa is my “buddy”.  She is a special kid, a bit spoiled I admit.  She has a good heart and her prayers this week reminded what an innocent loving child she is.
  • For longtime relationships and people (Susan) that will always try to be a peacemaker and see the good in people no matter what.  I appreciate you and the honesty and love you showed me in the last 24 hours.  You are a blessing.
  • For the reminder that there are people with hearts more broken then mine, my dear friend Karen and the personal hell she is living right now. 

So tonight I go to bed with electric, two empty refrigerators, a heart this is hurting, a sweet little girl that is tucked into her own bed with a nightlight that is working, a husband that is thankful he had the opportunity to shave, a faith that tells me that with God above I can do anything and get thru anything. 

Steph and Tom rest in peace!!!

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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One Response to Where Do I Start?

  1. Lori says:

    Only you know what God is telling you to do. My prayers are out to the Chief and his family…

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