I started this post on Wednesday and am just getting a chance to finish it.

I had a call this morning at 9 a.m. that reminded me what my purpose on this earth is. 

Alyssa, “Mommy, I forgot my lunch.”

Those five words have set the mood for my whole day, I thought of six or seven different ways I could get that lunch to Alyssa and none of them panned out.  I am sad, and I hate the thought of her eating a corn dog and baked beans because she doesn’t care for either one.

That simple phone call made me think about Lena and Shane and the younger years.  The things I did right and the things I did wrong.  I remember being so scared in those years and so broke.  I remember feeling all alone and wondering how it was that I was the one taking care of them alone.  Today, I am proud.  I did it.  They are who they are good and bad because of me and I can live with that, but I miss them.  I try so hard to get them to hang with me, but it doesn’t happen very often.  Lena recently spent a week at the house, but very little time with me.  Shane blows in and out for financial reasons or a bag of food.  They are growing up and I’m trying to let them. 

Yesterday I sent Lena a text, “How are you pretty girl?”  No reply..sent the same message for three days, no reply.


Well since I started this post, we have had a trip to the emergency room, news from Shane that has me in a downward spiral, finally a phone call from Lena she is coming over today.

The trip to the E.R. was Alyssa (of course), they believe she passed a gallstone or kidneystone, she is having an ultrasound on Thursday.

Being a mom is the most rewarding job ever, but this week I have been tested.  I love my kids, but I need a break.  (If any of you are reading this, call me this week FOR NOTHING please.)  I had a talk with my daddy this week, and when I hung up I got tickled I was calling him because I was at the end of  my rope and I hope when mine are 42 they are still calling me when they are at the end of their rope.


About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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5 Responses to I MISS MY KIDS

  1. kristy says:

    I absolutely hate it when I or the kids forget something and I just can’t work it out to get it to them. I got so busy at work on Friday that I forgot to send juice with Harris’ snack. I did send the snack but the school had juice for them :(. I am SURE he didn’t think twice about it, but I did.
    Bless Alyssa’s heart, I hope she is feeling better now.

  2. Jodi says:

    Holy Crap you are 42?? Dang thats old! We need to hook up I’m sure you got some stories you need to tell me!

  3. Lori says:

    You know I’m here for you. Sorry you’ve had such a rough week. I’m sure she did fine with lunch. I think they can order pizza if they don’t like what is being served. As for the other…keep praying woman! You know you are always in mine! I love ‘ya!!

  4. Friend says:

    Did someone bet you that you could not go a whole month without posting?
    guess you won

  5. MAJOSH says:

    Oh, letting go is so hard! My son is 14 and already on his way out, mentally and emotionall that is! I am a single mom and dont know how I will live without him. But I know growing up and away is a very natural process, and maybe by the time it comes to him moving on in life, I will be prepared. But I know its going to be very hard.

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