I started this post on Wednesday and am just getting a chance to finish it.
I had a call this morning at 9 a.m. that reminded me what my purpose on this earth is.
Alyssa, “Mommy, I forgot my lunch.”
Those five words have set the mood for my whole day, I thought of six or seven different ways I could get that lunch to Alyssa and none of them panned out. I am sad, and I hate the thought of her eating a corn dog and baked beans because she doesn’t care for either one.
That simple phone call made me think about Lena and Shane and the younger years. The things I did right and the things I did wrong. I remember being so scared in those years and so broke. I remember feeling all alone and wondering how it was that I was the one taking care of them alone. Today, I am proud. I did it. They are who they are good and bad because of me and I can live with that, but I miss them. I try so hard to get them to hang with me, but it doesn’t happen very often. Lena recently spent a week at the house, but very little time with me. Shane blows in and out for financial reasons or a bag of food. They are growing up and I’m trying to let them.
Yesterday I sent Lena a text, “How are you pretty girl?” No reply..sent the same message for three days, no reply.
Well since I started this post, we have had a trip to the emergency room, news from Shane that has me in a downward spiral, finally a phone call from Lena she is coming over today.
The trip to the E.R. was Alyssa (of course), they believe she passed a gallstone or kidneystone, she is having an ultrasound on Thursday.
Being a mom is the most rewarding job ever, but this week I have been tested. I love my kids, but I need a break. (If any of you are reading this, call me this week FOR NOTHING please.) I had a talk with my daddy this week, and when I hung up I got tickled I was calling him because I was at the end of my rope and I hope when mine are 42 they are still calling me when they are at the end of their rope.