Faith (Or The Lack Of)

I wish I could tell y’all that I have been sailing thru the last few days, feeling positive and feeling closer to God day by day..but I would be lying!  I have cried more in two days then I care to admit, I have watched the numbers on the digital clock for hours every night.  I have locked myself in the bathroom to cry when Alyssa says the cutest things….for example…..

To Carl today, “When mommy’s friend comes tomorrow with her daughter, please don’t embarress me.”

To me last night, “Mommy I have a pretty tan, I’m the color of toast the way you like it.”

To Bubby, “Do you have to cuss?”

I have tried to read my bible and just can’t.  I have prayed, I have cried when in my car alone, I have tried to stay busy, I have tried to be positive, BUT I AM SCARED TO DEATH. 

I went to Berean today, thought I would find some great source of encouragment.  I bought a Karen Kingsbury book, (have I mentioned lately I love that woman?) and I bought Alyssa a Pure NRG CD, a Webkinz and a puzzle book.  She was tickled.

I spent some time with Lena today, have I mentioned how awesome that girl is?  We had some yogurt together at a fun new frozen yogurt place near where she works.  Then she made me go to one of her favorite stores Anthropologie.  What neat stuff, it’s times like this that I realize she will go to college someday because she has expensive taste and she’s never going to get married so she’ll have to find a way to have lots of money.

I’m glad this weekend we will be busy, Tammy and Kiely (spelling) are coming over tomorrow, then we have a dinner at church tomorrow night and Alyssa is singing in a program, then Sunday church.


About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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3 Responses to Faith (Or The Lack Of)

  1. Prayers & more prayers for Alyssa hun. I love ‘ya both tons!!!

  2. Sara says:

    It is okay to be scared to death. This is your child we are talking about. Take a deep breath and He will guide you through this.
    God bless and please update us after her appt.!

  3. Kristy says:

    My prayers are with you. I can’t imagine what you are feeling, especially during this wait.
    webkinz! We are webkinz CrAzY in our house!

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