Healing A Broken Heart

I had a hard time figuring out my favorite 2008 post, but I think this is it.  Stop by Tip Junkie to see everyone’s favorite 2008 post.

I have to say I think this is my favorite 2008 post.  I am a caregiver and I guess part of me hopes this post might help another mom with a broken heart.  I’m spending the month of Feb. celebrating Baby James life and the love I will always have for him.  Please join me I need all the cheering up I can find.

This is my all time favorite picture, I am working on getting this turned into a sketch for Carl for Father’s Day.  The journaling reads, “I couldn’t get over how perfect your fingers and toes were.  I kept kissing them and rubbing them…they looked just like your Daddy’s fingers and toes.”

I have been asked several times to share James’ book and just never felt comfortable doing it.  I’m writing an article for SNR for next month about scrap therapy (I’ve saved some pages for that article) and it made me realize I did these pages at the time for me, but maybe another grieving mom would get a blessing from my pages.  I scrapbooked late at night for the first couple of weeks because it was hard for my family to understand the pain and heart break that these pictures brought out in me.  What no one knew was I needed to still be James’ mommy, I wasn’t ready to let go of this little guy and my role as his mother and making this book was something I was able to do for him.  I was being a mommy, I was celebrating my relationship and connection to this little boy and I am so glad I did.

The second page is actually a “lift” from Jen McQuire and to this day it’s one of the pages that makes me smile..some of the journaling says

  • Did an angel carry you to heaven?
  • When you fall asleep at night do you know I’m laying awake thinking about you?
  • Will you keep an eye on Shane when he starts to drive?
  • Is Granny rocking you to sleep?
  • Do you know I tell you goodnight every night?

 

Today sharing these pages have really made me step out of my box. 

The last page was done for CK and a call they had for pages about your hero.  The page didn’t make the magazine but was mentioned as a page that caught their eye.  It’s one of my favorite pages.

The journaling reads, “There are turning points in every relationship and I think everyone recognizes that turning point for the two of us was February 25, 2005.  When we received the diagnosis about Baby James you became “my protector.”  You took over and basically everything you did centered around me and what was best for me.  You made the phone calls that needed to be made, you surronded me with family and friends, you stayed by my side while I was in labor for three days and you handled all the arrangements for the memorial service that I couldn’t handle.  I’m always the planner, the thinker, the problem solver and all of a sudden I couldn’t do anything and you handled everything.  You were my husband, my friend, but most importantly you were and always will be “MY HERO.”  The death of James is by far the hardest thing I ever dealt with and you, and you alone made that bearable.  I cherish the time we spent with him and I appreciate the strength you showed and the love you showed not only me, but the love you shared with James.  I love you with my heart and soul!  Because of Baby James I know that no matter what happens in my life I’ll have you by my side, you truly are “MY HERO.”

If you are still reading I hope you have gotten a blessing from my blog today.  I will be writing an article at SNR next month and if any of you know someone else that has used scrapbooking for therapy (I’m not talking “retail therapy..ha) please let me know and I’d like to share their experience in my article.

 

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About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
This entry was posted in faith, family, friends, grief, infant loss, life, random thoughts, scrapbooking and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Healing A Broken Heart

  1. amber says:

    I just took a break from planting stuff in my garden and saw this. Of course I am crying now so I’ve got mud streaks all down my face. There just aren’t words to express the wonder of Baby James’ and the heartbreak of losing him. Your scrapbook is beautiful. Really beautiful.

  2. christi says:

    These pages are just beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

  3. pat says:

    Thank-you for sharing your heart-breaking story. I am crying, but hugs to you for being able to share this .

  4. Jules says:

    This is such a moving tribute. Thank you for sharing this with us and I am looking forward to reading this article when it comes out.

  5. Caitlin Koch says:

    Well for once Michelle I’m speechless. You are my hero — I love you, girl!

  6. Lana says:

    A beautiful post.. lovely pages, very touching and inspiring (if you can heal through that, than I can face what I am dealing with too).

    xox

  7. Michelle H says:

    Beautiful, heartfelt and real. I am touched by your honesty in dealing with the emotion. I have recently scrapped my recovery from adenomyosis/hysterectomy, and all the pain and frustration associated with the whole situation. The interesting thing was the colors I used- very dark, with black and white photos. Perhaps a reflection of my feelings. I’d love to discuss w/you for your article.

  8. Patricia says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your pain with others. I truly beleive in giving back to outers who’s suffering you have also known.

    Patricia

  9. Kim D says:

    I first started scrapbooking right after returning from a trip to Mississippi in February 2006 where we did some Hurricane Katrina relief work. It was such a healing process for me! The sight of such vast devastation was overwhelming to me, and meeting homeowners who had lost so very much, yet maintained their hope was humbling. I was shaken to the core. The first few pages I did were about where we stayed (a volunteer village operated by the national Presbyterian Church), the mission team, and a local Mardi Gras parade we attended – they were pretty pages about the fun times. Then I did an ugly one, and another, and another. They showed the ugliness of what happened there, and putting it to paper allowed me to come to terms with it and let it go, and simply be glad I could help where I could. I’ve since gone back to the Gulf Coast three more times, and have a scrapbook for each trip. The emotions aren’t so raw any longer, but scrapbooking has allowed me to process those intense experience. Yup, I’ve bought a lot of paper and have quite a stash – but it’s cheaper than a therapist!

  10. heidi says:

    October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

    Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

    On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let’s help pass H.R. 5979.

    Action Steps:

    Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
    -Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.

    GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

    Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
    -E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.

    GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

    Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
    -By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: “Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act.”

    GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages – most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

    Thank you to Antigone for starting this movement.

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