Irony, Cancer, Illness, Divorce, Fat People, Forgive…WHY?

I’m a believer in things happening for a reason, but this week I’ve questioned some things.  Received a call Friday that a great man from our church is facing some big hurdles with his health, when I got off the phone I had a chat with God.  I prayed for good news for Brian and his family, peace for his wife, and just ask God to give his son Tyler the answers to what are probably a million questions and fears.  As the day went on I went back to that conversation with God and my mind just kept going back to Why?  Here is a man that is devoted to God, a great husband and father and he’s facing this battle, and I was reminded that God never said he was going to make our life easy, he never said because we have faith we won’t have battles and this is one of those battles.  I’m sure Brian, Jean and the entire family will be a witness to many through out his illness and I will continue to pray for them each day.

My sister came this weekend, and my poor Alyssa was sick the entire time.  We took two trips to the ER and finally found out she has an inner and outer ear infection.  She is one sick little girl.  They have her on some strong paid medication, but it’s not touching the pain.  Her Bub brought her a slush and pudding last night.  She had to miss the indoor water park with her cousins and it broke my heart.  Another why added to the list?  Lisa and I get so few “good times” together and I wanted to spend the day with them but they went on to the park and Lyss and I are resting.

Had some recent drama this week that made me realize the aftermath of divorce.  When adults make decisions that affect children it’s hard to grasp the fall out.  I was reminded this week that it’s like when you throw a pebble in water and the ripples that you see.  Divorce is U-G-L-Y, adults get to go on with life, some with guilt some too stupid to have guilt even when they should and kids are affected for the rest of thier lives.  I had a long talk with my daughter this week and shared things I had never told her, I had a lot of documentation and letters etc. that I’ll share with both some day but I always shielded them from the “whole truth” and now it’s out in the open.  My divorce although 18 years ago, is still hurting my kids and for that I’m sad.  Both of my children told me this week they are proud of me and how I’ve always worked (sometimes two jobs) to support them, no one ever paid my bills for me, I never received any type of assistance and my ex paid child support and NOTHING MORE, never paid a doctor bill, never paid for sports, school clothes NOTHING just child support, and I NEVER raised the support.  Another why?

The biggest irony this week is I learned that although FAT, I’m still a great person.  I know I’m FAT, my husband knows I’m FAT, my kids know I’m FAT…and NONE OF US CARE.  I have morales, I can look in the mirror and know I’ve done the right thing over and over regardless of the UGLY people that come across my path and I can lose weight if I choose to.  I’ve raised my kids right, they know right from wrong and they have more class then most.  I can honestly say that someone tried to hurt me this week and instead showed me how much my kids love me, showed me how thankful I am that I’ve raised my kids to have forgiveness for hurts that have been done to them, showed me that God can really change a person and more then anything this person showed me that it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.  I learned this week that although my kids have disappointments about life and coming from a divorced family they are not filled with bitterness and hatred, and it remined me of a verse from the bible….Ephesians 4:32 – And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. 


About Michelle

I started my blog as a way to connect with other paper crafters and of course it has gone a totally different direction. I've been able to share my experience as a mother, my hurt and disappointments over not having a relationship with my maternal unit, my walk with God and how knowing Him has changed me and continues to help me grow into the person I strive to be......
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