A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
I taught Sunday School today and our lesson was the verse above, Alyssa is no longer in my class but wanted to be my helper today-the above is the heart she made for me. As I was preparing for the lesson I had a lot of thoughts about God’s Love for all of us, I had a lot of thoughts about my love for God, etc., but somehow today God has taken my mind to the lack of “unconditional love” I’ve had in my life. I know that’s some “deep stuff”, but the one thing I’m learning as I walk my walk with God he gives us messages for a reason. Folks reading this who don’t know “my story” might find some of this sad, those that know the story are getting some popcorn because they know this could get interesting. I rarely run certain folks in my life in the ground, but today I feel it appropriate.
As I rushed to my class today to get my lesson together, Pastor asked me-“Michelle, how is your mother?” In the past I’ve always said, “She’s fine.” I’m not sure why my answer today was what it was but today I spoke the truth and nothing but the truth. “Pastor I don’t know how she is, I don’t hear from her. She’s a lost, sad, miserable human being that can’t even love her own children.” There I said it. For approximately 25 years I’ve wondered how she can be so hurtful, so unloving but you know what I don’t wonder any longer. I just know I want to be so much more to my kids then she has been to me. I think some of this is coming from a recent comment she made to someone who loves me, I’m not sure if I have the exact words but it was something to the point that I’m crazy. Well well well, how humorous!
A dear friend told me this week she had some contact with a relative of mine this week and once again she thanked God for what he has done in my life. I’m not crazy and I know it. I’ve never been more sane, I’ve never been more at peace, I’ve never felt so loved! I’ve never been so capable of loving, forgiving, and living because I’m not weighed down trying to figure out how the one person who should love me regardless of anything doesn’t.
Do you realize animals love thier children unconditionally, do you realize there are mothers who stand by their children after they commit horrible crimes, but God gave me a woman not capable of that. I question him about very little but I admit I have given myself permission to question him on this one. He hasn’t given me an answer yet, but he’s given me PEACE, he’s given me love in my heart instead of anger, he’s given me wisdom to be a better mother then my mother ever thought about being and he’s given me other folks in my life to fill the void Janice leaves in my heart.
I thank him EVERY DAY for my Aunt Jeanette, my Aunt Linda and my “Spare Mom-Sandy”. I thank him EVERY DAY for a sister that I can call and talk to and she knows how I feel (I love you Lisa). I thank him for a Free Spirited 20 year old daughter that pushes every button I have, but that I love and respect as a human being that is finding her path and living life. I thank him for my little Alyssa who wants nothing but family and reminds me that no matter how hurt we are by people we have to keep our hearts open for love….and what about the amazing men God has in my life-first what would I do without Carl, Shane although a challenge is my all time favorite guy and of course my grouchy ole’ daddy…..
…GOD IS GOOD!
TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM TODAY AND THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU ALWAYS WILL!