I have not done A Beautiful Life post in a few weeks, another example I’m depressed.
I did a post the other day about The Baby Girl’s father or lack there of, I forgot Father’s Day was just around the corner. It’s a hard holiday for her, how could it not be?
I didn’t get my own dad’s gifts in the mail…he’ll forgive me. For a matter of fact him and I have forgiveness down to an art. I love my dad, I’m sure some of you are like well duh of course you love your dad. If you read here often you know my family takes dysfunction to a whole new level. It’s actually down right sad. I have one full sibling, haven’t seen him in over 10 years, my daughter has met him one time in the drive way at my dad’s. I have two half sisters, love them both and that love is returned by one. I have four step sisters that have been my step sisters for so long that they are just my sisters and somehow get along with all of them. It’s the perfect example that a family is what you make it.
Oh yeah this was about dad. My parents divorced 30 plus years ago, my mother was and probably still is obsessed with my dad. I heard my entire life what a sorry S.O.B. he is and was. My children heard what a sorry S.O.B. he is and was. Guess what….he’s not a sorry S.O.B. There are two sides to every story, Daddy didn’t tell his side until three years ago.
My dad’s best move in his life was marrying his current wife, she balances Daddy and believe me I think that is a full-time job. He can be quite the grouch.
I love calling and talking to Daddy, you never know what direction a conversation with Daddy will go. Recently we discuss our president and his shock that his eldest grandchild helped vote him into office. We have lively conversations about his two oldest grandsons and the fact that he would like to strangle one or both on a regular basis. He loves to get me going about my younger sister’s phone returning skills. We talk about the economy, current news stories and he let’s me ramble and ramble about The Baby Girl. Him and I both love that girl and she knows it. I encourage him to try to heal his relationship with my brother, I pray about it daily. I catch him up on what is going on with his sisters, the problem with this is I’m 200 miles away and I give him a hard time that I know more about them then he does.
I have forgiven him for not being the father I wanted him to be, he has forgiven me for not being the daughter I should have been. I strongly recommend that if you need to forgive or need to ask someone to forgive you to just do it. Did I mention how much I love my Daddy?
The conversation started as many others do, “Mommy, what will happen when Daddy is better?” These conversations take place further and further apart and for that I’m thankful.
The Baby Girl is crying herself to sleep tonight. We talked, we snuggled, we talked, we watched T.V., we talked and then she said she just wanted to go to bed. I said, “Lizard, I am so sorry you are so sad.” Her sweet reply, “Mommy it’s ok it’s not your fault.” Gosh how I wish that was true. It is my fault. Me and me alone picked that no good man to be her Daddy. Of course I had no crystal ball to show me how hurt this little girl would be. I had no way of knowing that he would wander in and out of her life. I did have indicators that he was not the most mature or honest man. The old saying that love is blind, I understand.
My sweet child at 10 thru the help of a therapist knows more about bi-polar disease and alcoholism then a lot of adults. She knows more about rejection and disappointment then anyone should know. She has been hurt by several adult family members and as a mother I would like to protect her. I would like to hold these adults accountable, but I can’t. I can’t make a grown man be a father if he doesn’t want to be. I can’t make a woman be a grandmother if she isn’t capable. I can’t accept unacceptable behavior so she has an aunt in her life.
I am sitting in my living room crying. My heart hurts, but I have peace knowing that while my 10 year old is crying herself to sleep she is praying and seeking God. My sweet girl has God in her heart and prays for others. I can’t protect her from the ugly dysfunctional family that she was born into, but I can love her enough for a mommy and a daddy. I can make sure she understands that she is lovable, adorable and that these people who have turned their backs on her are just plain SICK. I can explain to her that I know what if feels like not to have the love of your own parent. Most importantly I can pray for my girl, I can pray for her father, her grandmother and her aunt. I can turn the hurt over to my heavenly Father and know that he has it all under control.
LOVE is deeper than any trial or tribulation. It will push you through any problem or pain and make you surpass any obstacle or opposition!
I needed something a little upbeat to end this blog on and I can’t think of anything better then BABY BOY IS HERE. Stop by and show some love! I can’t leave this mom out who I believe is about to get her second miracle. God is awesome.
I ask you to please pray for My Baby Girl, pray that God keeps her heart open to love. If you would like to leave a prayer in the comments I would love to print them off and give them to her. She would love it!! In case you want to pray for her by name, her first name is Alyssa. She will always be “The Baby Girl” to her momma!
I had thought earlier today, “I am a blog slacker, and I need to do a blog post.” I was trying to decide do I do a food post, I’ve been thinking a lot about food quirks. Do you peanut butter sandwiches with chili? I do and I love it. Have you ever had a hot dog sandwich? You might ask what the heck is a hot dog sandwich, it’s hot dogs sliced long ways, with onions and miracle whip…don’t yuck it until you’ve tried it.
Then I thought maybe I should do a post about Memorial Day. Isn’t freedom a wonderful thing? I wondered how The Maupin Family spent Memorial Day.
I even thought about doing a post about our Pool Drama that consumed our entire weekend.
However, at 9 p.m. tonight I knew without a doubt I was going to do a blog post about Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Wowza, how depressing. I know a thing or two about a marriage falling apart. It was tearing my heart out to see it happen on national t.v. I can’t imagine Kate’s heartache or her fear. It was obvious tonight that Jon has checked out, I found it humorous he wanted to say his mother says life is all about choices. Grow up Jon. You choose to bring eight children into this world, now raise them. I watched the show with The Baby Girl and usually we laugh and giggle and tonight she just looked so confused. The First Born normally is a huge Jon and Kate fan she decided not to watch the show tonight. She finds it creepy that they are filming the breakdown of their marriage and their kids will see it someday. I find it creepy that Jon is being so nonchalant about what a divorce is going to do to his kids.
I am going to add Jon and Kate to my prayer list, I know better then anyone that a marriage can be saved even when it’s already fallen apart. Kate made the comment that the problems have been going on for about six months, hopefully they are getting professional help. I don’t know any child that isn’t affected by a divorce regardless of how well it’s “handled”.
So I’m afraid Kate might be flying solo, but I believe she will do just fine. Don’t get me wrong I think she is a control freak, but unfortunately I can understand that behavior. When you don’t have a partner that is 100% an adult you start to treat them like a child and I think Jon’s recent behavior has showed how immature he is. Adultery is cowardly.
I doubt I will let The Baby Girl watch Jon and Kate Plus Eight for awhile and I’m not even sure I’ll watch it. Tonight I felt like I was watching a train crash.
I admit Mother’s Day isn’t one of my favorite holidays, hasn’t been for many years. Most people who feel that way have a mother in heaven, not me. My mother lives a couple of miles away, I won’t see her on Mother’s Day. I haven’t seen her or talked to her in years. I use to tell people I was ok with that, I’m not. How could I be? I got ripped off in the mother department. Sad, but so very true. I wish I could say it isn’t hurtful, I can’t. I wish I could say that my mother not loving me is no big deal, I can’t. I wish even more that I could say my mother being hurtful to my children is something I can forgive, I can’t. I’m often asked how I keep from being angry and bitter.
It’s simple. God gave me a spare mother. She isn’t a stepmother, she isn’t my Daddy’s wife, she is my spare mother. I believe in my heart that God knew I needed her and He sent her. I thank Him for that on a regular basis.
She is the birthday card sender, the Christmas gift shopper, the Thanksgiving meal cooker, the advice giver when a grandchild is ill, the heart mender when needed, the ever faithful God seeking example setter, and the ever loving mother and grandmother to our entire family.
She has been my spare mother legally for 20 years, but long before my daddy married her she became my spare mother. She never made me feel anything but welcomed and loved, even when I didn’t deserve it. Daddy traveled and when he wasn’t home I still stayed at their house because of her.
She is a woman of faith and anytime The Baby Girl has something to share about her walk with The Lord she wants to call Nanny. We called home for Easter and The Baby Girl talked to her Papaw and told him about Easter baskets, egg hunts etc., but when Nanny got on the phone and asked her what she was doing she said with a big smile, “Celebrating the cross.” At 10 she already knows her grandmother is a Godly woman and she wants to share her love for The Lord with her.
When Nanny comes for a visit we make sure our clothes and house are clean. Our hair looks its best. I watch my mouth because whether you are a 20 year old grandson or a 42 year old daughter bad words are not acceptable.
Nanny will flat get in your business, just ask the grandsons. She wants you to live up to your potential, she wants you to have a better life then she had.
Nanny is the backbone of our family. She loves us unconditionally.
I thank God that He blessed me with a spare!
This post is part of a world wide blogging tribute to Moms led by TheBlogFrog
The text read, “I love you more then you will ever know.” I received it while driving in my car today and it made me smile.
Today was a great day for me. I love my job. I had no adult children drama. My Baby Girl got ready for school today with no fights. I saw an old friend. The weather was beautiful. I made a date with Mr. Wonderful for a bike ride on Saturday. The text was just a bonus.
The text made me think a lot about my marriage, about my heart, about the present. I texted Mr. Wonderful back and told him I adore him and never get tired of hearing that he loves me.
None of that seems like a big deal between a husband and wife, unless you know the background. Mr. Wonderful and I married in 2003. I had never been so happy in my entire life. I had that relationship that you look for your entire life. I had been divorced twice and disappointed more times then I care to think about, and I finally felt like I had it all.
Life threw us a lot of curve balls. My in-laws didn’t accept our marriage, Carl’s children wanted no part of our marriage, my heart was broken. It took me a long time to realize that my heart was broken, I’ve always been able to bounce back. I couldn’t. I wanted to “fix it”, I wanted to “understand it”, I wanted it to be “ok”. The more I fought for my marriage the worse I made it. I was miserable, Mr. Wonderful was miserable, my kids were miserable and my in laws and stepchildren didn’t care.
We finally seperated. My heart was shattered. My Baby Girl was hurt beyond belief. My older kids were just pissed off. My in laws and stepchildren were tickled pink.
Oh yeah add adultery to the issues.
Talk about a fork in the road, boy did I have choices. I’ve posted about this before and I still say I clung to my faith. Scripture says that God “heals the broken hearted, binding up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) and gives to His children “comfort and joy instead of sorrow” (Jeremiah 31:13). I read those scriptures over and over. I believed it, I had to believe it. Our marriage was saved. We spent 50 weeks in marriage counseling and we learned so much about ourselves.
Our marriage is awesome, not perfect. I was thinking today while driving in the car not a lot has changed from when we seperated. My inlaws still do not respect our marriage, my stepchildren still have nothing to do with our lives, but we changed. I not only respect, but encourage Mr. Wonderful to have relationships with his mother and children. I no longer care if they like me or don’t like me, I actually enjoy not having to deal with the drama. I have faith in our relationship and as our counselor told us our children do not allow us to choose their spouses and they don’t get a vote in our marriage. Mr. Wonderful sees the situation for what it is, he no longer has thoughts of those “poor kids”. He loves his mother, but can finally admit she hurts him in her attitude towards our marriage.
I’m often asked how did I forgive all of it? I can only say I clung to scripture says that God “heals the broken hearted, binding up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) and gives to His children “comfort and joy instead of sorrow” (Jeremiah 31:13). I kept my heart open to Mr. Wonderful even when I knew he didn’t deserve it. I accepted that Mr. Wonderful could have married Mary Poppins and his mother and children would have hated her, it’s not about me. I accepted that the situation was a mess. I overlooked the little things and made myself heard on the big things. I set boundaries and Mr. Wonderful respected those boundaries. I compromised and so did Mr. Wonderful.
I started having these thoughts on Sunday, it was cold, rainy and downright depressing. We came home from church, my favorite time of the week is when we sit in the same pew every Sunday and Mr. Wonderful has his hand around my shoulder and he whispers, “I love you.” Mr. Wonderful offered to make chili, I challenged him to a game of Monopoly and a rainy gloomy day became a great day.
While I was typing this text my youngest stepchild called Mr. Wonderful and I thought, wait a minute I didn’t tell the whole truth in this post. The Youngest stepchild is part of our marriage and I should give him credit for that. For a matter of fact I guess he needs a blog name, summer is almost here and he’ll be here hanging out with us. I’ll think of a name, that will make him laugh. He’s a great kid. I often say he’s Switzerland, he just stays neutral. He flies under the radar and just rolls with the punches.
For the record I’ve never beat Mr. Wonderful at Monopoly.
I have thought about this post for a very long time, I have typed it out and deleted several times. I’ve typed it out and saved it and then deleted it. I really feel like God continues to put it on my heart and so here we go.
► Adultery is a sign of immaturity, lack of effort
“The easiest thing in the world to do is cheat. It doesn’t take any imagination, it doesn’t take any maturity. It doesn’t take anything. It doesn’t take any discipline.”
I could honestly stop this post right here and feel ok. I have more to say though. Imagine that.
Q:
You mean to say that there is no price to pay for major wrongdoing like adultery?
A:
Yes, this flies in the face of what we have been taught, that there is a price to pay for wrongdoing. The Bible states: “The wages of sin is death.”,* but such is not the case in divorce court.
I can honestly say I never knew heartache until I was cheated on, not the first time, but the second time. You see the first time I had no children, it was me and another adult and he cheated. I found out after The First Born was already here, but somehow I was able to forgive. I wanted more then anything in this world to raise my kids in a better life then I had been raised in. I wanted The First Born to have her daddy, so after the shock wore off and he begged a whole lot I decided to try to make my marriage work. Fast forward a few years and another baby. He did it again. I can still feel that anger when I allow myself to think about the situation. I had no forgiveness left in me and I was consumed with A-N-G-E-R.
I had two little ones, The First Born was almost three and Mr. Perfect was six months old. I had no college education, my parental unit was going thru a mid-life crisis and had left her husband and was living with some stranger I didn’t want my kids around, the “Other Woman” was a nightmare, I was in a mess.
I wish I could say I bounced back and things were wonderful. They weren’t. I struggled with A-N-G-E-R to the point where I didn’t even like myself. I was so sad for my kids. How could this be their life? I never knew panic like I knew back in those days, I recently looked at my Social Security statement and I made something like $9,000 that first year. How did I do it?
I’ll NEVER forget a time when Mr. Perfect had been with the Ex and he came home and wasn’t acting right, and was having strange BM’s. I ended up taking him to the emergency room and finding out he had had his stomach pumped in the last 24 hours and no one had bothered to tell me. Are you kidding me? Seems he drank a bottle of perfume and the Ex and the Mrs. (oh yeah did I forget to tell you they married the day after our divorce was finalized) didn’t think as his mother I NEEDED to know what had happened. Did I mention A-N-G-E-R?
The First Born has more anger then Mr. Perfect about the situation and most of that anger centers around The 2nd Mrs. and the things she told them about me and continues to allow their 1/2 sister to say about me. It’s sad.
I know today at 42 that I would have handled the ENTIRE SITUATION very differently. I know today at 42 that had I been a Christian when all of that nonsense happened I would have handled it a lot differently. I know at 42 that I encourage The First Born and Mr. Perfect to love their dad. I know at 42 I encourage them to overlook their little sister and her feelings toward me. (unfortunately she reads my blog and creates lots of drama when I do a post like this, however since I write my blog for myself I am not going to edit for her or anyone else) I know that at 42 I am thankful I no longer have to have Ex #1 as part of my life, we recently had a phone conversation and when I hung up I called a friend and said, “How can a person continue to amaze me, after all of these years?” There is nothing about him that makes me understand the decisions I made, I keep reminding myself I married him when I was 18 he was a better alternative then the home I was living in.
I hate adultery. I’ve shared before on my blog that at a point in life I was “the other woman”. I can honestly say I am ashamed of that decision, I have asked for forgiveness. I thank God the affair was never the cause of a divorce, I thank God I did not cause another person the heartache that was caused to me.
I love Joyce Meyer and what she says about being tempted.
Satan tempts us to live a low life, but God tempts us to come up higher. One of the worst mistakes we can make is to get complacent, thinking that what we have right now is okay. A mindset of low expectations holds us back because God can only do through us what we believe for. Be careful that you don’t get in an “okay place” spiritually.
I wish my story of adultery stopped right there. It doesn’t.
Husband #2 cheated, I divorced him. I now call “the other woman” in that situation “friend”. Let me repeat that I am friends with the woman who had an affair with my husband. She is one of my closest friends. She is an awesome human being.
You see we can all make mistakes, it’s what we do with those mistakes that makes the difference. She knows she was wrong! Period. She knows there is no excuse for what she did. Period. For all of you wondering I do leave her alone with Mr. Wonderful…ha!
Husband #3 cheated, I know nothing about “the other woman”. I can’t even remember her name. I don’t hate her, I have no A-N-G-E-R towards her.
We all have choices, some we make and live to regret. Some we make and should regret, but never grow enough as a person to take responsibility.
In case any of you are wondering, that jewel of a woman who made my life and my kid’s lives miserable for all of those years cheated on Ex #1. While I could have taken great joy in that fact I actually helped him thru his heartbreak and even dated him for a short time. VERY SHORT..ha!
So if you are involved in adultery right now, regardless if you are dishing it out or living with someone eles’s bad choices try to remember this too shall pass. It sucks.
From an adultery pro try to remember the following.
Regardless of what happened leading up to the affair the only person to blame is THE CHEATER.
The person they are cheating with is probably a decent person, it’s not their fault. They didn’t promise to honor you, your spouse did.
If you are “The Other Woman” don’t try to pretend you don’t understand the crazy behavior of “The Wife”. You do understand it.
If children are involved, this is NOT their problem. NO ONE has the right to bad mouth their parent to them. Period. No exceptions.
Time really does heal. I am so proud of myself. I survived. I have two of the most gorgeous kids in the world. Ex #1 and I make beautiful kids. My kids respect that I worked like a dog to give them the best of everything. They respect that while I was the one being bad mouthed I didn’t bad mouth until they were grown and then I shared my journals and court records. The truth is the truth.
Did I mention I was angry? I understand this You Tube Video and that scared me, boy I’m glad You Tube wasn’t around back then.
I would have fit right in had I lived in India.
Adultery is so cowardly. If you want out of your marriage. Get out. Don’t use another person as “the reason”, be an adult end that relationship before starting another one.
If you are already in this hell and you’ve made some mistakes, OH WELL! Email me at paperglueetc@yahoo.com and I promise you I’ve done something worse. HA! Forgive yourself and go on. The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to be happy.
It’s Friday and I love being a part of A Beautiful Life Series, make sure you stop by there and check out all the post.
I had lunch today with one of my favorite people in the universe. I shared some life experiences with this lady that I’m pretty sure helped form us both into the women we are today. I cried when I left her today, a good cry. She looks great, she is in a great place in her life. She is a mother, like a real mom, the kind we all want to be. She asked about my mom today and her simple reply sums it up for me, she said, “I just don’t get it.” Neither do I. I never will.
Seeing my friend today made me think of this sign that hangs in The Baby’s school gym. Don’t you love it? Isn’t it so true? I want to believe I choose #3 more and more.
I want to applaud some ladies in “blog land” that have faced tough choices this week and are without a doubt choosing #3.
Ms. Kim continues to try to find peace with a failed adoption.
You gotta love a woman who bears her heart for the whole world. I know a thing, or two, oh heck I guess I know X3 about a cheating husband, the heartache it can bring, the doubt you have about yourself, and the downright anger that can consume you if you let it. I’ll be reading this blog to see and share the growth in this great lady.
I want the weather to improve. I need spring. I want to go on bike rides with Mr. Wonderful and The Baby.
I want to walk along the river and find wildflowers.
My life still has a long journey, but it sure looks great to me.
I’m a believer in things happening for a reason, but this week I’ve questioned some things. Received a call Friday that a great man from our church is facing some big hurdles with his health, when I got off the phone I had a chat with God. I prayed for good news for Brian and his family, peace for his wife, and just ask God to give his son Tyler the answers to what are probably a million questions and fears. As the day went on I went back to that conversation with God and my mind just kept going back to Why? Here is a man that is devoted to God, a great husband and father and he’s facing this battle, and I was reminded that God never said he was going to make our life easy, he never said because we have faith we won’t have battles and this is one of those battles. I’m sure Brian, Jean and the entire family will be a witness to many through out his illness and I will continue to pray for them each day.
My sister came this weekend, and my poor Alyssa was sick the entire time. We took two trips to the ER and finally found out she has an inner and outer ear infection. She is one sick little girl. They have her on some strong paid medication, but it’s not touching the pain. Her Bub brought her a slush and pudding last night. She had to miss the indoor water park with her cousins and it broke my heart. Another why added to the list? Lisa and I get so few “good times” together and I wanted to spend the day with them but they went on to the park and Lyss and I are resting.
Had some recent drama this week that made me realize the aftermath of divorce. When adults make decisions that affect children it’s hard to grasp the fall out. I was reminded this week that it’s like when you throw a pebble in water and the ripples that you see. Divorce is U-G-L-Y, adults get to go on with life, some with guilt some too stupid to have guilt even when they should and kids are affected for the rest of thier lives. I had a long talk with my daughter this week and shared things I had never told her, I had a lot of documentation and letters etc. that I’ll share with both some day but I always shielded them from the “whole truth” and now it’s out in the open. My divorce although 18 years ago, is still hurting my kids and for that I’m sad. Both of my children told me this week they are proud of me and how I’ve always worked (sometimes two jobs) to support them, no one ever paid my bills for me, I never received any type of assistance and my ex paid child support and NOTHING MORE, never paid a doctor bill, never paid for sports, school clothes NOTHING just child support, and I NEVER raised the support. Another why?
The biggest irony this week is I learned that although FAT, I’m still a great person. I know I’m FAT, my husband knows I’m FAT, my kids know I’m FAT…and NONE OF US CARE. I have morales, I can look in the mirror and know I’ve done the right thing over and over regardless of the UGLY people that come across my path and I can lose weight if I choose to. I’ve raised my kids right, they know right from wrong and they have more class then most. I can honestly say that someone tried to hurt me this week and instead showed me how much my kids love me, showed me how thankful I am that I’ve raised my kids to have forgiveness for hurts that have been done to them, showed me that God can really change a person and more then anything this person showed me that it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I learned this week that although my kids have disappointments about life and coming from a divorced family they are not filled with bitterness and hatred, and it remined me of a verse from the bible….Ephesians 4:32 – And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.
I’m able to track how folks find my blog and where they are from and I have to say I get a chuckle out of that at times, but today I actually laughed out loud when I saw “someone” from Oklahoma City, OK had searched for..
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michelle christian fairfield, oh blogs
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not that I can be 100% sure who that person in OK is, but it just took me back to the lowest point in my life and reminded me how far I’ve come. It reminded me why I have such a great job, when someone walks out on you with two small children and you have no income you find a way to survive. It reminded me that things aren’t always what they seem, and that phone call 10 years ago told me that the old saying “The grass isn’t always greenier on the other side of the fence” was true. It reminded me that I am a survivor, I spent so much time feeling hopeless in 1990 but there was no need for that. It reminded me that without the heartbreak of 1990 I wouldn’t have had the love of a great guy named Tony Stacy and the best times of my life. It reminded me that a woman from OK did me the biggest favor of my life by taking a big burden off of me. It reminded me that I have two kids that admire that I did it on my own, they never did without anything, I didn’t bad mouth anyone even though I was bad mouthed on a regular basis and as adults they both remember the things that there were said about me. It reminded me that Melissa, Jerry Lee and I would have missed out on some great experiences. It reminded me that I was scared to death that I wouldn’t survive and that I not only survived I got the last laugh. It reminded me that there are really women in this world that get what they have coming one way or another. It made me thankful that although I made mistakes back then I can still hold my head up and know I have two great kids that I raised well in spite of the idiots that were brought into their lives because of two adults with little to no morales….I’ll say today what I’ve said for 18 years, although my divorce was horrible for my kids and they surely deserved much more…it was THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. I see Lena and Shane as adults and I am in awe of the people they are becoming, both are smart, good hearted and beautiful on the inside and out and I did that basically by myself. For anyone out there that is purposely hurting another person just remember that ole’ karma can get pretty UGLY. So to the “person” in OK looking for Michelle Christian in Fairfield, Ohio you’ve found her and she is happy, peaceful and happily married…
