Forgiveness, Faith and Family

I was reminded last night how little my family knows me.  I haven’t had contact with my younger brother in 10 years, but it doesn’t stop him from bad mouthing me.  I let it hurt my feelings for about five minutes last night and then I just turned it over to God.  I went out of my way not to ask what he said, and I avoided the subject for the rest of the night.  I continue to try to just live my life, build a better foundation for my kids and not let my siblings and my maternal unit have any more control over my life.  I can’t change who they are, I can’t change that they love chaos, I can’t change that even without contact with them they still find a way to bad mouth me.  I know who I am and I am ok with the person I see in the mirror.  I know that my brother’s hatred, bitterness, alcohol and drug abuse have NOTHING to do with me.  I am only responsible for myself and I’m doing ok. 

I love that my present is ok because I own my past.

  I own the person I use to be, the person that I guess my brother is still bad mouthing. 

I own that I caused trouble, lied, manipulated; I was just like the rest of them minus the alcohol and drugs. 

I spent the morning texting with someone who knows the saga all too well and her words spoke to my heart.

He right now just wants revenge and everyone else to be miserable, he has to learn we all have shit we are dealing with.  You either let it eat you up from the inside out or you focus on your happiness.

I choose to focus on my happiness, I pray about the situation everyday and only God knows what the future has in store for all of us.  I can live with whatever the outcome is as long as I don’t participate in the chaos. 

I wonder sometimes if God puts these situations in my path to let me see how good I really am.  I was so pissed last night when “the messenger” let me know my brother was bad mouthing me, but as the night went on God spoke to my heart.  The message was clear,  having a heavy heart is all about forgiveness. Living a guilt-free life requires you to tap into grace – and to forgive yourself.  If you cannot forgive yourself, you’ll struggle to forgive others and vice versa.  The problem compounds on itself and sooner or later you’ll find the burden growing heavier and the weight starting to weigh you down.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest… learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Bringing it home, have you ever noticed the inspirational figure, maybe it’s a family member, friend, coach, or mentor who seems to reduce your load?  They mimic Jesus, and make your life easy; a pleasure.  Jesus comes not to hold you to impossible standards, but to free you.  Learn from him; be faithful to him and he will do it.  

When I started this post today I was actually going to “unleash” about how unfair it is that I continue to be the bad guy, but you know it really doesn’t matter.  I guess as long as I’m being talked about someone else is being left alone.  I can handle it, I can even laugh about it once I let it sink in.  I have to say it hurts my heart a little to think that my brother may leave this earth with his harden heart never being changed, but that’s between him and God.  I’m sure he sit in a church pew today with his equally bitter wife praising God and claiming to be a Christian that to me is the scariest part of the whole situation. 

I will continue to turn the other cheek, pray and grow in my own faith.  I will break the cycle of abuse for my own children, I will strive every day to make sure they love each other and look out for each other.  I will be thankful for what I have and try not to look back at what I’ve lost.

Speaking of what I have, I received the nicest surprise in my mailbox yesterday.  A thank you card from my ex-husband, it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever sent me.  I’m so thankful that him and I have peace and that we can put our kids first and experience life with them.  His sweet grandmother was laid to rest two weeks ago and I was there with his family and friends standing side by side with my children who needed both their mom and their dad.  I think about the next chapter in our lives, and hope that the next generation will see us acting like adults and not making our kids choose sides.    Life as I know it is pretty darn awesome!

Positive Energy & Facebook

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Maya Angelou

I love Facebook, it keeps me connected to people I care about….old and new friends, family members, co-workers etc.  I didn’t think there was anything that could ever change that….boy was I wrong.  Last Thursday my Facebook experience came crashing around me.  I had recently started seeing a family member show up on other people’s pages and it was irking me, I didn’t want to see her.  I didn’t know what to do about it and each time I would see her as a mutual friend it would make me angry, I work hard to avoid being angry.  I work hard to accept things for what they are….these feelings were making me think about not participating in Facebook.  I then found out that my sister and I had a mutual friend and possibly more coming, my heart hurt.  My sister is not part of my life, took lots of counseling to accept that and now poof there she is as a mutual friend on Facebook, I cried.  I cried for hours, the hurt, the anger it was all there.  I knew then that I couldn’t continue to stay on Facebook I decided I would spend this weekend on Facebook and then I would deactivate my page.  I cried some more and then did what I should have been doing all along I started to pray, I didn’t pray about Facebook I prayed about the hurt, I prayed about the unfairness of the situation, I prayed that God wouldn’t allow me start my old ugly behavior and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.

Yesterday I decided to figure out how to deactivate my Facebook and instead I learned you can “BLOCK” people on Facebook.  Get out of here, are you serious?  Yeap, I promise….it’s easy.  You go to Setting, then Privacy Settings, Block List, type in the name of the person who you don’t want to see on Facebook and then just sit back and cry some more.  It’s done!  I have my Facebook experience back, I don’t see these two family members on anyone’s Facebook, I don’t even find them if I search for them on Facebook….they don’t exist….I have to say I wish it was that easy to get my sister out of my heart. 

This experience reminded me how far I’ve come, how a hurt that I thought would never heal has to some degree.  I have accepted that I don’t have the family I should have BUT I have something BETTER.  I have unconditional love which I’ve never known, I have drama free family life and I have sisters that although maybe not blood related I love.  I shared the blocking on Facebook with them before I shared it with “Blog World”.  What are you waiting for get to blocking.

 

Tempt My Tummy Tuesday

This year I’ve made it a point to try new recipes you can see my list that I plan on trying right here, I still need a few so don’t hestitate to point me to your favorite recipes.  I’m looking for things that the whole family will like, which isn’t always easy.  We recently tried a few and I learned the hard way that just because something “sounds” good it might not be what the family wants.

Blue Cheese Buffalo Chicken was not a favorite at our house.  I thought it was ok, The Baby Girl refused it, Mr. Wonderful wouldn’t give it a grade but requested it not find it’s way to our table again.  However, I made Hamburger and Macaroni this weekend and I thought for a minute Mr. Wonderful was going to give it an A, but it got a B+.  We all loved it and it was super simple, it will find it’s way to our table again.

Hamburger and Macaroni Recipe

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 yellow onion, chopped (or mixed chopped green onion greens and yellow onion)
• Olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon Vegesal or other seasoned salt
• Dash crushed red pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon celery seed
• 1 large can (28 oz) of diced tomatoes
• 2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• 2 cups uncooked macaroni (use rice pasta for wheat-free version)

Method

1 Get a large pot of hot water heating and begin cooking the macaroni as per the directions on the macaroni package.

2 In a skillet, brown the ground beef in a tablespoon of olive oil on high heat. Stir only infrequently so that the ground beef has an opportunity to brown.

3 In a large skillet, sauté chopped onion with a tablespoon of olive oil on medium high heat. Add the ground beef and lower the heat to medium. Add a dash of crushed red pepper. Add Vegesal or other seasoned salt. Add celery seed. Add canned tomatoes. Add Worcestershire sauce. Bring to a simmer and let simmer for 5 minutes. Mix in the drained and cooked macaroni and parsley. Simmer for another 5 minutes.

Serves 4. 

Old Window Crafts

I was so excited to get an email this a.m. telling me I was being featured over at Tip Junkie, since I happen to be a Tip Junkie Stalker.  She featured my Junk to Jewel post. 

I still have it hanging in my kitchen, my kitchen happens to be red so it still matches.  I haven’t done anything to it yet because I am pondering.  I was originally going to make it into a message center (like the one below) but recently I have been picturing it with the word…..EAT…..in a cute pattern paper…..oh the possibilities….not to mention I have two more old windows in the garage. 

I admit to a window obsession these days.   I did the message center for The First Born for Christmas…she loved it so much that she made another one for Scot with One T’s Mother…wish I had a picture it was too cute.  You can see The First Born’s reaction right here.

I have been searching for ideas for the two additional windows….oh the choices.

 

Tons of ideas here, here, and here.

Good Weather Equals Great Projects

I heard the weatherman say 51 degrees and my eyes started to twinkle, Mr. Wonderful’s eyes rolled I believe…but mine twinkled.  I need to do a project or two this weekend so I thought I would look thru my “I Gotta Do This File” and see what kind of projects I could share.  Does everyone have a “I Gotta Do This File”?  I hope so.  You never know when it’ll be 51 degrees in January.

I gasped out loud when I came across this sign?  Don’t you love it?  All the details are at So You Think Your Crafty, I know my limits….I would never finish this project BUT I’m thinking The First Born could help me and maybe then I could do it.  I am wondering if I could have “A Letter Cutting Party”.

I love anything that has an initial on it, so this weekend I think I’m going to make a few of these.

It all starts with an old magazine…details right here at Young House Love, if you haven’t stalked read this blog you need to. 

I love anything with color…so I have to do this project from Joy’s Hope.  What word I can’t do my 2010 word it’s too long.  I would need a big canvas for endurance….maybe I could do endure. 

I love the idea of celebrating…don’t we all forget to celebrate “The Little Things”?  This project at Somewhat Simple could help you remember.

Mr. Wonderful seemed open to the idea of finishing a dresser for The Baby Girl’s room.  Now to decide if we paint it pink, black or white….decisions…decisions….

I love the stripes…details here.

I took pictures at Thanksgiving….

I might just make my favorite couple a little gift this weekend….of course since they never come and visit me….I might not.  If you have a favorite couple or family you would like to surprise with a great gift…all the details at While They Sleep.

I hope you found a project to make your life a little more fun!  I am linking up to The Inspired Room.

 

It’s All About ME!

I have been scrapbooking for 10 years and for 10 years I’ve said, “This is the year I’m going to do a Book of Me.”  Never happened.  Well, I think this might really be the year thanks to a great scrapbook site that has invited me to be part of their design team….exciting huh?

Check out our first challenge at Scapperie and you can see what I’m talking about.  If you’ve ever read Ali’s blog you know about the word of the year, if you haven’t you can see all about it right here.  This is the third year I have participated in the word of the year…the first year I did grace, the second year I did organization and this year’s word is endurance. 

For me choosing a word of the year keeps me focused. 

I want to do a Book of Me to tell MY story, I’ve done a pretty good job of telling the kid’s stories and I know when they are grown they’ll enjoy those books….my story is still left untold.  I figure if I do 52 pages this year, I’ll divide those among the three kids and then I’ll continue to add to the books over the years.

The Book of Me Book Series

More examples of pages

One Little Word Blog

Part of my endurance for what seems to be a tough year is going to be throwing myself back into creating.  I need to play with paper, wood, paint and create to fight the depression that is just lurking around the corner.  I hope I’ve encouraged someone else to get busy on a Book of Me.

The challenge for this year is to journal about goals/resolutions….I’m already working on it.

I Am Disgusted With So Called Christians

I recently was sent an email from a friend with a blog attached, the blog author is a friend of hers and is a surrogate right now.  The email from my friend said be prepared to cry so I put off reading the blog for a day or so.  I finally read it and cry I did.  Me being me I decided to ask for prayer for this stranger who I’ve never met, back up I actually asked for prayer for an unborn child.  I did this over at MckMama’s message board, remember sweet Stellan.  I now regret asking for prayer, that sentence doesn’t even look right does it? 

Can I just seriously ask what is wrong with people?  I’ve been disappointed by people over and over this weekend.  Is the whole world self-centered and hardened? 

I am seeing why people VERY close to me question Christianity, I never thought I would understand BUT I do.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe and nothing can change that.  I went to said blog and message board today and read the following comments…..

“Tell her you will not kill any baby unless she is there with you. SHE can watch them kill a baby. Do you know that a 13 week baby is fully formed-you can see all it’s fingers and toes and it’s gender. No way can you do this-you will just as guilty of murder as her.”  OF COURSE the person writing this is anonymous and her screen name is 2 Angles.

“Audra, I am so heartbroken for you, and this situation. I understand you feel obligated to go through with this, but I do not believe you are. Legally, absolutely. Morally, its your call. You do have a choice here. There are consequences, but there will be consequences either way. Which consequences can you live with, when you lay your head on your pillow at night? You ultimately have to be able to live with yourself. In the Bible, in the Book of Exodus, the Egyptian Pharaoh told the Hebrew mid-wives to kill all the male babies of the Hebrews, but the Bible says they refused, because they feared God. Also, Moses lived because his mother feared God and would not allow him to be put to death. If you fear God, and do what is right, then you will do well. If you go against your conscience, regardless of the legalities, it will be a much harder road for you. Praying for you, the IP, and the situation.”  Written by Michelle, you can find her blog right here….full of bible verses….I question where is God’s love and mercy?

“I have doubts about the validity of the woman’s blog. I don’t think that the donor parents have the legal right to force medical interventions on the surrogate. Certainly if 2 embryo were inserted, wasn’t the possibility of twins discussed? And if they don’t want twins, they could certainly place one for adoption rather than abort.  Another anonymous comment over at MckMama’s. 

“I think this is a fake site, just like April Rose.”   

I think this is all bullshit and gimmick to get money from you gullible, good hearted people.

She is lying. Sorry.”  This sweet comment was left by Mom With A Left Hook, again profile not available.

I have been mad all day over this, I feel responsible for those comments because I’m the one that asked for prayer….now tonight I find it all disgusting.  I am going to assume that all of those comments were left by adults and this is what I have to say.  Go ahead leave your nasty comments hide behind your computer screen you are a bunch of cowards.  For all the “prayer warriors” over at Mck Mama’s you need to practice what the bible says in it’s entireity not what you choose to practice.

Luke 6:37 ESV /

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

Matthew 7:15 ESV /

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.

Proverbs 31:9 ESV /

Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

I am going through some things in my personal life and questioning what God wants me to learn, if things don’t turn out like I want them to and have been praying for them to turn out I will still praise God.

The writer of said blog is praying for God to touch the parents of the unborn children and change their hearts, if God doesn’t do that is He to blame for the abortion?  Free will people, we all have it. 

I recently first hand saw a Godly woman make a mistake that she NEVER thought she would make….she is a Christian and is very open about sharing her faith; she sinned.  Don’t we all?

When I went to some of the blogs from the commenters at this woman’s blog I had to wonder, “Who do you think you are?”  We all sin, no sin is bigger or worse than another sin.  Did I mention disgust?

I’m glad my 10 year old is praying for this situation with an open and loving heart.  Adults are so overrated.

Craft Shows and Etsy Ideas

I love “Works For Me Wednesday” linky get togethers….this week’s idea might just turn out to be one of my favs.  I’ve been challenged by my bestie to do somewith my “PASSION”…..she told me today if she had my talent she’d be out of healthcare yesterday and making crafts for a living….doesn’t that sound like a dream?

I need a name for an Etsy Shop….I’m thinking…..ME AND MY GIRLS…..cuz I would want The First Born and The Baby Girl’s input of course…creative kids….boy am I lucky?  So any input on a name would be great.

I’d like to do some signs……

 

I’m thinking some necklaces and earrings would be fun!

Framed scrapbook pages might be a possibility.

Maybe some cards?

I’m going to make some personalized Baby Blocks this weekend….what new mom wouldn’t love those?

I’d love some input on an Etsy Name and Craft Show tips……

52 New Recipes in 2010 Week 1

Well I started my 52 recipes in 2010 challenge this past weekend and can I just say YUMMY!  I’ve been sick for a week so I haven’t cooked at all; so when I started moving around in the kitchen Mr. Wonderful was a happy man.

I still need recipes you can see my list so far right here.  If you would like me to add one of your favorite recipes please leave me a comment; I will add any recipes I think my bunch will eat.

The first thing I made was Santa Fe soup and I didn’t get any pictures. I stole borrowed the idea from Joy’s Hope and she has some pictures…yummy!  I asked for grades The Baby Girl gave it an A, Mr. Wonderful gave it a B.  It will be made again…did I mention SUPER EASY?

Santa Fe Soup

Ingredients

 

1 lb. ground beef or turkey brownned and drained

1 can kidney beans

2 cans Ro-tel

1 can stewed Mexican style tomatoes

1 can corn (drained)

2 Tbs. taco seasoning

16 0z. Velveeta cubed

Dump everything in your crockpot, cook on high for three hours; stir once after an hour and a half.

Mr. Wonderful was so excited I was in the kitchen I decided to really “WOW” him with dessert….lucky guy.

Apple Dumplings

Ingredients:

2 cans crescent rolls
2 granny smith apples
1 stick butter
½ teaspoon cinnamon
1 1/3 cup splenda (or sugar)
1 (12 oz) diet Mountain Dew

Directions

Pre heat oven to 350 degrees

Peel and core apples.  Cut each apple into 8 wedges.  Roll each wedge in a crescent roll.  Place rolls in a 9 x 13 baking dish.  In small saucepan melt butter.  Once melted add splenda (or sugar) and cinnamon.  Mix well.  Spoon over crescent rolls.  Pour diet Mountain Dew over rolls.  Bake for 45 minutes.

I also saw this recipe over at Pioneer Woman her version called for sugar, regular Mountain Dew….I love that girl…..I stuck to the “lite” version; but wanted to give you a choice.

The Baby Girl gave this an A+ and Mr. Wonderful another B, I did ask him what it would take to get an A….this being a kid friendly blog I can’t repeat what he said…..

I’ll be sharing this post at……

 

Best of 2009

I wanted to recap 2009, but then decided not to look back just to look forward; but then I found a “Look Back Party”…..well you know I can’t say NO to a party…..stop by The Nester and see everyone’s favorite blog post from 2009….I can’t wait to look back……

Moving “The Happy Place” was such a big decision, partly because of the disaster area it had become in the basement.

I’ll never forget the shock I got from The First Born in 2009.

I had some reflecting about LOVE.

The Bathroom Re-Do.

I loved the post I did about what you might find on my blog from day to day.

I loved our first attempt at making a diaper cake.

More of “The Happy Place.”

One of my ALL TIME FAVORITE POST AND DAYS of 2009, was the post I did about our Family Craft Christmas.

I hope you enjoyed looking back at 2009 with me….now I’m off to read.